Tag: Kansas City

Luckily there’s no stab button in real life

A 27-year-old man fought off an armed teenager in a dark parking lot when the would-be robber demanded his copy of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 at gunpoint. This was apparently a selling point not marketed by Activision for the game.

Police say the teenager confronted the gamer in his apartment parking lot about 1 a.m., racking a round in his gun and shouting “Give me the game.” When the gamer told him off, the gunman racked a second round, ejecting the first onto the ground. That’s when the gamer made his move, struggling over the gun until the teen fled. This is a stupid move because a gun is involved. A real gun, not a digital gun.

Police arrested the teen hours later, after discovering him standing in line at the same GameStop where the original copy in question of the game was purchased, waiting to buy his own copy of the game.

Call of Duty: Modern Not Really As Serious As This Situation Dictates.

‘Abortion Showdown’ this Friday!

Friday! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!

The federal court in Kansas City presents Abortion Showdown! Two clinics, one state, new regulations! For the first time in an American court, two abortion clinics will combine forces in a handicap match against one state: Missouri.

This match will determine the viability of recently passed abortion licensing regulations by the Rules and Regulations Board. Will the state’s political vengeance stand, or will the latest measures be … aborted?!

You do not want to miss this event! BE THERE!

At least it’s not made in NEW YORK CITY!

The salsa served at some of the restaurants in Kansas apparently packed too much of a punch, not from spicy jalapeños, but because it was laced with pesticide. Yum! We can only assume that’s a family recipe.

A married couple who worked at two different branches of Mi Ranchito restaurant, near Kansas City, was arrested after poisoning the salsa there. The husband, who confessed he was trying to get revenge for losing his job (loss of job, potential fatality, that’s a very fair and equal trade-off, I’d say), faces a maximum penalty of 10 years in prison with a fine of up to $250,00. His wife, the one who actually slipped in the poison, has already been sentenced to 87 months in jail, with a penalty of $478,000 in restitution.

While it might be small comfort for the 36 patrons, suffering anything from cramps and nausea on up to symptoms so severe they had to be taken to hospital, at least they didn’t get the fish. When in doubt, always get the chicken instead of the fish.

Power company officials just don’t understand

You know how you’ll sometimes hear rappers requesting people to turn up many things, such as bass lines or headphones, while recording? On rare occassions, they may even ask for these things in a live fashion.

DJ Jazzy Jeff (of Jazz fame from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air) may have asked for just a little too much baseline. On Sunday in Kansas City, while giving a concert to eager fans, the power was inexplicably cut. Jazzy Jeff (seriously, that’s just fun to write) left the stage after half an hour of frantic waiting. The president of the Kansas City Power & Light District has said that they did not cut the power to concert. Nonetheless, we all know the truth-it was a very hot day in Kansas City and that haterade was tasting mighty cool.