Breitbart, the self-proclaimed mouthpiece of the conservative white nationalist rebranding movement known as the “alt-right,” has had a lot to celebrate lately. They got their horse to win the horse race, and then their horse picked their executive chairman to be a part of the horse’s transition team. But now comes the real war.
A number of companies have stopped advertising with Breitbart, most notably, Kellogg’s. Being the tough, rational news outlet that it is, Breitbart responded by calling Kellogg’s decision “un-American” and calling on its readers to boycott the company. The supposed lovers of free markets and corporate personhood don’t like that a company has chosen to take its business elsewhere.
This is 2016, a supposedly credible news source is starting a war with what is widely regarded as part of this complete breakfast.
While we anticipate that hotels on Times Square will frown on direct competition with their own pathetic “continental breakfast” options, at least there will be a close-by resource of absorbent milk litter to pour over and soak up Guy Fieri-induced vomiting and diarrhea before it enters Manhattan’s water supply.
It’s always perplexed us why people follow certain brands on social media. How exciting are the posts coming in from Goldfish crackers? Are people that obsessed with certain foods that they need to get pointless updates in the Facebook feeds? Apparently so.
A lot of people like following Tony the Tiger on Twitter, nearly 22,000 people, in fact. The cartoon tiger had to take a break from shilling Frosted Flakes to ask his followers to chill out. Because everyone’s been sending him sexual images related to furries. Anthropomorphic sexual images have been filling Tony the Tiger’s Twitter feed, and it’s gotten so bad that the intern assigned to tweet as a cartoon spokesman has had to ask followers to keep it clean. Tony even had to block a bunch of furries.
Many are instead following, and this is true, Chester Cheetah.
When it comes to breakfast cereal, Special K doesn’t seem like anything special. It’s lightly toasted wheat and rice flakes, which makes it nigh indistinguishable from every other non-marshmallow-enhanced, flake-based human fish food in the breakfast aisle.
So, it makes sense that the Kellogg Company would change things up a bit by adding red berries and shards of broken glass.
The Guys aren’t sure what’s happening on Kellogg’s production floor, but we’re betting they don’t call it Battle Creek, Michigan, for nothing.