Thai government politely asks bloggers to refrain from criticism

Thailand — the pederasty capital of the world — has imprisoned an American citizen, Joe Gordon, for the crime of insulting the curry-farting Thai monarchy online. Gordon was sentenced to a reduced sentence of two and a half years for posting translations from a book about the family (who also enjoy the smell of those farts) while living in the U.S. over two years ago.

Although Gordon is the first American sent to prison by Thailand for insulting their presumably inbred royalty, at least two others have also been jailed this year. One was a 61-year-old grandmother, who will spend the next 20 years in prison for sending text messages that insulted the big-boned queen. Another person was sentenced to 13 years, where he can think long and hard about why the Thai monarchy is so thin-skinned and lily-livered.

I think the message here is pretty clear, you guys. The Thai royal family is off limits, especially

  • their four-eyed king.
  • a queen who picks her nose whenever she thinks nobody is looking.
  • and a crown prince who’s OK for a guy throws like a girl.

It’s not cool to make fun of them, OK? So, don’t do it.

No backing out once you’re on a coin

Prince William, future leading drain on the British economy, is getting married, and no one is more excited about it than The Guys.

For one, he’s marrying a really rich chick commoner, so that validates our own Cinderella fantasies. Also, royal weddings get U.K. women incredibly horny and desperate.

Well, the commemorative coin just dropped, son, and people have some complaints about it. Here’s what we have to say:

  1. Do all British young people look like Narnia actors?
  2. That can’t be William’s real Adam’s apple.

Take it from Snee: The rainbow in every oil spill

So, how about that leak in the Gulf of Mexico, right?

You’re probably expecting a punchline about how terrible it is, or how many animals are going to die or how we could have avoided all of this by investing more in alternative renewable energy back in the 70s.

Well, you’re not going to get that here. In fact, I think this is a good thing. Allow me show you how, in every oil spoil, there’s a rainbow lining.

NOTE: Rick Snee is writing this article of its own free will. Any checks from BP have not cleared yet.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: The rainbow in every oil spill

Screwed up royally?

British people might argue that Americans can’t understand what it’s like to support an archaic family dynasty that wields no real power anymore. To that The Guys reply, “Well, yeah. What are you, retarded?”

Of course, the British do the same thing with their useless family lineages that we do with ours during wars: send them to military school indefinitely, and — if that doesn’t work out — stick them in the National Guard until the conflict blows over.

Prince William managed to make the news for once because of reports alleging that he grounded a training jet during flight school by toggling when he should have flicked, resulting in an “overcooked” jet engine. It’s a fairly common mistake and only a big deal because his Dad is waiting for his grandmother to die before growing up.

The Little Prince still passed flight school and is currently training to be a search-and-rescue helicopter pilot. He also holds commissions in the British Navy and Army. If he joins one more branch, does he get to wear a super-duper uniform that incorporates the best parts from all services?