Tag: L.A. Lakers

Eat My Sports: The running diary that should never have been

Welcome to my latest attempt to hack Bill Simmons’ career.

We’re coming to you live from the Eat My Mansion for the second half of tonight’s Game 6 of the NBA Finals, we would’ve included the first half had government officials not limited us due to costs incurred to clean up after BP.

Tonight we are joined by McBournie (via text), my two cats Despereaux and Bella, and a beverage that I have not yet named involving equal parts of tequila, orange juice and Sprite. Magic Johnson’s halftime gloat fest is over, we now re-join the game.

10:31 pm
As we get ready for the second half, Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy go toe for toe with useless knowledge and jargon with hopes of campaigning for some NBA GM to give them a head coaching position. In total douche factor, I give Jackson the edge.

10:33 pm
McBournie: Anthony Kiedis looks like he’d be more comfortable at a pig roast.
Me: I think Doc Rivers could score the lead in a Ninja Turtles live-action movie.

Honestly, think about it. If you had to cast that movie perfectly, here are your leads:
Leonardo: Doc Rivers
Donatello: Turtle
Raphael: Kobe Bryant
Michaelangelo: Mr. Magoo
Splinter- Susan Sarandon Continue reading Eat My Sports: The running diary that should never have been

Eat My Sports: Boston on parade

Disclaimer: If the Celtics end up losing this series, this is not my fault. I am not a Celtics fan, though I have been a huge Kevin Garnett fan through the years. If the C’s don’t wrap up their first championship in 21 years, you cannot blame me or this column.

Welcome to the NBA Finals! Two games in, two games from proving Kobe Bryant can’t win without Shaq. Aside from the one-sided foul situation (memo to the Lakers: you can’t get a foul called unless you’re attacking the rim, stop whining), Boston has demonstrated everything that is wrong with Los Angeles in eight short quarters. Simply put, there hasn’t been this much of a hype-to-letdown situation since Ang Lee’s putrid portrayal of The Hulk in 2003. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Boston on parade

Eat My Sports: NBA Final Four

Welcome to the final four teams left in the NBA playoffs that is sure to give David Stern nightmares for the next two weeks. But before we delve into the possibility of a Detroit/San Antonio ratings fiasco, I would like to extend a personal congratulations to Jon Lester. After surviving cancer, Lester has come back to win Game 4 of the World Series and last night pitch a no-hitter against the monstrous Kansas City Royals. Jon, the Nation loves you buddy, congrats.

Now, back to the NBA. After a second round that could have led to an NBA Finals featuring LeBron James against Chris “Don’t call me Ringo” Paul, we are left the final four combatants. So, here are my predictions going into the East and West finals. Continue reading Eat My Sports: NBA Final Four