MEANWHILE: Your dog ate some poop

David Madsen trained his Labrador Retriever to do basic math on command. The dog, Beau, can reportedly add, subtract, “do some division and has memorized square roots” with counted barks.

And yet, he somehow didn’t make the cut for David Letterman’s “Stupid Pet Tricks” segment.

If you would like to make Letterman pay for his insolence, don’t bother. Al Qaeda’s got it covered.

We love it when a plan almost comes together

Betrayal. Insurrection. Double-crossing. Perfidy. Treason.

In our War on Animals, we need every victory that we can get. Let’s face it people, they outnumber us. But what we have is unity. What they have?

In-fighting.

People, if they can’t hold it together, then we have all the chances in the world. Mind you, it would’ve been better if we could get the dog and reptile to slay each other in ignoble violence, but wounding will work. Plus, need I point out the seeds of discontent that have been planted?