Shepherds to meddlesome eagles: Pew pew!

Shepherds in Scotland are tired of eagles making off with their lambs. They’re so tired of it that they’ve decided to step up their game: with laser beams.

White-tailed eagles keep stealing lambs from flocks of sheep in Scotland, and the Scots have decided to try shooting laser beams at them to keep them away. The plan is to point lasers at hills to creep out eagles and keep them away from the countryside, where they go after livestock. The thinking is that eagles will think there’s a prog rock laser show going on (eagles hate those, of course) and avoid the area altogether.

If this plan doesn’t work, they’ll use a death ray.

Children silence the lambs

In Britain, they know how to teach their children, unless you ask Pink Floyd. We believe that the rest of the world’s education systems can take a lesson from the Brits.

Recently, a group of schoolchildren raised a lamb for six monyhs, named it Marcus, and then sent it to the slaughter. Why did they do this? Because quite frankly, it’s either us or them, would you want the lambs to each your children and call it veal?

The lesson was protested by all the usual species traitors and haters of education. But England doesn’t bend to the will of PETA as easily as we do here. The kids may use the money from slaughtering Marcus to buy some pigs, which hopefully they too will slaughter.