Tag: law

Florida law gives wedgies to youths

There are many things that take a bag seat to more important matters. Things like two ongoing wars, a tanking economy, presidential primaries and the color of Britney’s undergarments all take a back seat when something as crucial as baggy pants is addressed.

As we reported last year, Atlanta tackled the baggy pants issue first, leading the way for the country. We have covered the national crisis since then. But the latest development comes to us from Florida, where the state legislature has just passed a law requiring students to pull up their pants for crissakes, why back in my day we never wanted our pants to be baggy or touch the ground, we even wore suspenders to ke–AHEM! Sorry about that, as far as we know that is what most Florida voters are thinking.

So just to clarify:

Warrior of the Week: Los Angeles

Yes, you read that right. Los Angeles, Calif. is leading the fight against animal-kind, now with a law “requiring most cats and dogs to be spayed or neutered by the time they are 4 months old.”

How will this be possible? They are using a van. (No, seriously.)

“Councilman Richard Alarcon, who […] is a co-author of the bill, brought his two pet Chihuahuas to the event to be neutered in a van operated by the city.”

Of course, we are talking about Hollywood here, so there are some shady exceptions, like “those that have competed in shows or sporting competitions, guide dogs, animals used by police agencies and those belonging to professional breeders.”

So, this doesn’t prevent another direct-to-DVD Air Bud, but it is a step that most cowards are too afraid to take in the War on Animals.  Congratulations, LA: you’re our Warrior of the Week.

Repeal the unjust drinking law!

Right now, at this very moment, over 7 million people in this country are horribly oppressed. These are legal U.S. citizens, of all races, religions and political affiliations. They are single, married, divorced. They are young and they are old. The one thing they truly have in common is that they have the misfortune of living in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

“Commonwealth” is a pretentious name for “state” used by Kentucky, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Virginia.

In any case, Virginians are being oppressed by their own state government. The worst part is the vast majority of them don’t even know it. What is it? It’s a law that says it is illegal to make sangria within the state borders.

Sangria, the famous Spanish drink, is not allowed to be made in its true form, because the law says you cannot mix wine or beer with distilled spirits. If you make the drink, you could get locked up for a year. To this blog, that punishment is much stiffer than the drink itself.

Yes Virgina, there is sangria. It could be coming your way soon because the state general assembly is going to look at the law and hopefully change it. The Guys are sending Bryan Schools, the closest member to Richmond to protest outside the Virginia General Assembly all week long.