Tag: lawsuit

Iran does not like them apples, Ben

Director Ben Affleck was unable to sneak Argo past Iranian government and film critics despite growing a beard and eschewing a tie.
Director Ben Affleck was unable to sneak Argo past Iranian government officials and film critics despite growing a beard and eschewing a tie.

Iranian cultural officials and movie critics have taken umbrage over Argo winning the Academy Award for Best Picture. (Get in line behind Stephen Spielberg, Kathryn Bigelow, Ang Lee and Quentin Tarantino, guys.)

Meeting at a conference called “The Hoax of Hollywood,” they screened the film and tried to figure out who they can sue for what they call pro-CIA, anti-Iran propaganda. According to reports, they’ve even approached a lawyer, Isabelle Coutant-Peyre, who previously represented Carlos the Jackal, presumably in his lawsuit against being caught by Richard Gere in The Jackal.

This is not the first time Iran has taken umbrage with an American movie. They also objected to The Wrestler,  300 and Not Without My Daughter. Well, say what you will about Mickey Rourke and Gerard Butler, but not liking Sally Field? Iran, you clearly don’t know the first thing about the Academy Awards.

Finally, somebody stands up for child rape

But you can't hold a whole school responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole college football system? And if the whole football system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
“But you can’t hold a whole school responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole college football system? And if the whole football system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg – isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!”

Pennsylvania Governor Bill Corbett filed a lawsuit against the NCAA for their sanctions against Penn State. The school received a $60 million fine, a four year bowl game ban and limited scholarships for, according to a report by former FBI director Louis Freeh, failing to disclose Jerry Sandusky’s shower fun times with children since they first became aware of it back in 1998.

Gov. Corbett, who served on the Penn State Board of Trustees back when the scandal broke, reviewed the NCAA’s bylaws and alleged that the college sports association overstepped its boundaries:

“Corbett’s spokesman, Kevin Harley, said Corbett came to believe the NCAA had overstepped its bounds and had not followed its bylaws, which limited sanctions to infractions relating to recruitment, academics, and football.”

See? Nothing about molesting children, so it’s OK when your school profits from it.

Better sauce, bad promotional actions

Spam. It’s just bad. Nothing about it is particularly tasty and eating it may very well make your heart explode, not necessarily because of the fat (though there is quite a bit of it in that tin), but more because of the ridiculous sodium content. Despite what the Hawaiians say, Spam shouldn’t be added to anything, especially not to pizza.

Or because of pizza. Though, that’s more spam of a different variety.

Pizza chain Papa John’s is facing a lawsuit accusing it of the very thing. Per a class-action lawsuit, the plaintiffs accuse Peyton Manning’s new endorsement contractor that an exorbitant amount of promotional text messages were sent out to them, sometimes more than 15 at a time and in rapid succession, during all hours of the day (and night). Plaintiffs are seeking 500 dollars per text, to the grand total tune of 250 million dollars. That’s a lot of pizzas that are gonna have to be sold.

Guess Peyton Manning’s not looking like as much of a futurist now, huh?

Family can be the wurst

East Berlin has a history of families separated by insurmountable boundaries. But, now that the wall is gone, it’s up to families to split up for their own economic, if not political, choices.

The Ziervogels have operated Konnopke’s Imbiss, the first East Berlin restaurant to serve currywust — fried pork sausage sliced up and smothered in ketchup and curry powder — since 1960. And they will continue to do so … except for Mario Ziervogel, who opened his own rival currywurst restaurant, Ziervogel’s Cult Curry, only blocks away.

Not only is Mario out of his mother, Waltraud’s will, but she lawyered up because he originally had “since 1960” at the end of his currywurst stand’s name. She contends that Mario, “48, was not even born in 1960, let alone serving sausages.” We don’t know if this strife is new, or if Mario was always such a little brat.

As the old saying goes, “You can pick your friends, you can pick your meat, but don’t try to pick your family’s meat and sell it at your own place in direct competition.” But, we don’t have to tell you that.

Shortest settlement process ever

Exactly 3 months ago, SeriouslyGuys relayed to you the emotionally delicious story of a woman who was fired from Starbucks allegedly for her dwarfiosity. And like a bad case of the runs, we’re here to let you know the dramatic outcome of that story!

Drum roll please……………

There was a settlement. Yup, that’s it. Pretty super anti-climatic, huh? Coincidentally enough, Starbucks would have been taking on a part of the United States government in the lawsuit had it continued on. Mind you, the government is big and powerful, but it would have been interesting to see a large corporation take on a federal group that’s running out of money. Would half-soy double-mocha fraps be our new currency if Starbucks won? Who knows.

Also, we don’t know the actual amount given in the settlement but we can only assume that it’s more than she would be able to carry in her hands. Perhaps it’s a proportionately large (or tidy?) amount in comparison to how she measures up to a stool?

Ah, the life of a tobacco baron …

Those new graphic cigarette warnings from the FDA are being challenged in court. Five tobacco companies have sued the federal government on a First Amendment basis, claiming that the new warnings infringe on their right to not explain what their products can do to a person’s body.

Sure, they’re a legal product. So’s Listerine, and Listerine helpfully tells you what number to call if you chug an entire bottle (… by accident) right there on the damn bottle.

Sushi spicy sauce is people!

Tiny, super microscopic people. And in infinite amounts!

A woman is suing Planet Sushi, a sushi restaurant in New York City, over her take-out sushi. She feels that the spicy sauce that came along with her dish had a higher than normal amount of semen in its ingredients.

Mind you, the normal amount of semen in spicy sauce is typically zero.

She states that she noticed something amiss upon first tasting the sushi, after having dipped a piece of the tuna roll into the sauce, and that she spit part of the roll out but swallowed about half of the bite.

Now, the part about noticing something out of the ordinary regarding the sushi throws me off a bit. What does that have to do with anything? Does the sushi contain semen, or at least, more semen than what’s to be expected from fish? Is she implying that the sushi was tainted or prepared in a way that required her to use the potentially tainted spicy sauce? I don’t understand.

Nonetheless, she’s proceeded with a lawsuit, which a judge has allowed despite a request by the restaurant to be dismissed. There are so many questions that need to be answered, and not a one of them contain words I would use at my job.

Turns out you CAN put a price on former glory

Pictured: The real man behind the lawsuit.A class action lawsuit filed by former college athletes against the NCAA and Electronic Arts (EA), the former evil empire of video games, focuses on the potential unlawful use of athletes’ likenesses without their consent. The case, filed by former Nebraska and Arizona State quarterback Sam Keller and former UCLA basketball player Ed O’Bannon, is now a couple of years old, but the judge has already said that if rights were violated, EA could be paying big damages.

How big? Try a quarter of EA’s annual revenue, or approximately $1 billion. The geniuses at USA Today did some fancy math, but to boil it down, it comes out to the law saying that the players can get $1,000 a likeness. Add up all the players (3,630), games, and then triple it thanks to a statute that says that it can be trebled if the violation was “knowing, willful or intentional,” and you’ve got about $1 billion that EA could have to shell out.

EA has argued that it has a First Amendment right to use the players likenesses. They just might need all of the amendments and then some.

Shortest lawsuit ever?

It partially sounds like something from a children’s story. Nonetheless, it might explain just how magical their coffee can seem at times (though, since those times tend to be 6 and 7 in the morning, anything with caffeine would be magical). Well, for as long as the magic can last, that is.

Stay with me now: The United States of America is suing Starbucks for firing a dwarf.

You did not read an untrue word in that sentence.

Starbucks allegedly fired a dwarf person (she was downsized?) the same day that she requested a stool, stating that “she could be a danger to customers and workers.” It’s a horrible reason to use as grounds for termination, mainly because she wouldn’t be a danger, but probably more an amusement to the customers. Except on March 17. Just, FYI kiddo.

Maaaaaybe there shouldn’t be an app for that

Apple’s been under a lot of fire recently. First, they get sued by one company; then, they decide to sue another company. It’s just not roses in Cupertino at the moment. It’s okay though, as they’ve got something to solve, at the very least, your problems as theirs are a bit more difficult.

Are you gay? Do you have an iPhone? Do you not want to be gay anymore?

Then friend, Apple’s got the app for you! Now, mind you, the creators of the app are completely within their rights to make it. On the other hand, nnnnnnnnnnnh.