A new front in the space race has opened. Two Canadian teenagers, Mathew Ho and Asad Muhammad, have sent a Lego man 15 miles up into the atmosphere for a measly $400.
Our brothers from the norther side of the border launched their Legonaut using a weather balloon, onboard cameras and a GPS-equipped cell phone from Ontario. It drifted back to Canadian soil by parachute only 75 miles away from their launch site, where witnesses claim an alien spacecraft crashed while their government insists some swamp gas flared up.
We offer Ho and Muhammad our congratulations with the caveat that they promise not to destroy our crumbling space program the way Avril Lavigne did with punk rock.
Any you know what? Neither should you. After all, any interaction with LEGO products is a deadly experience that will get you and everyone around you killed.
Mock shooting is apparently a very big issue in America. Plastic guns, while ridden with the inability to actually fire any projectiles, are clearly one of the biggest banes of our society. The only reasonable solution is to eventually remove our hands.
The moral of the story? Never bring an ax to a gunfight.
It’s a good thing I double-checked this one, because you readers would have thought I was a bit Freudian when I claimed a story was about a Lego “penis” when it was in fact about a tail. It’s actually, Reuters’ fault.
Let me start from the beginning. This story claims that a Lego giraffe at a Lego theme park sort of thing in Berlin has repeatedly had its tail stolen. Apparently, the Germans love them some giraffe tail–so much so that it has been stolen four times so far. We’re not sure if it was returned or just replaced, but either way, ouch.
However, when I saw the story earlier, it was not a tail, it was a giraffe penis that was getting stolen. Which, from what we know about the Germans, makes a lot more sense. It was as if it was the same story, word for word, but the story now had replaced all penises with tails–in the story, that is.
Thanks to our friends at Regret the Error, I found out I am not, in fact, crazy. They really did publish that it was a giraffe penis that was stolen, then corrected it. Oh, you randy Reuters!
Alright, so I’m getting married this weekend. This means two things:
- There will be no writing from me next week because I’ll be in Bermuda.
- I’m going to write some crap about growing up, becoming a man, etc.
Interestingly enough, point number two seems to be a popular theme this week, as my old friend Charles Smith (an alias to be sure) has his own opinions about it in Whim this week.
Yep, it was about when I worried about having hemorrhoids on my honeymoon that I realized I’m acting more and more like a grown-up. So it’s time to put away childish things, or toys, and embrace the things of men.
Video games stay, though, because they’re not toys. They’re training files should the government ever require my services as a fighter pilot/secret agent/Italian stereotype that squashes pizza ingredients.
The Star Wars figures are just that: figures, as in they will one day be worth several figures and finance my retirement or crippling gambling addiction. They stay.
Everything else, though, is gone. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Toys suck anyway