If you’re of the Catholic persuasion, then you know that we are one week deep into Lent.
For everyone else: every year, shortly after Valentine’s Day, the Almighty decides that he’s tired of putting in all the work into this relationship — including that freaky four-way with his son and a ghost we asked for. After Mardis Gras, God sobers up and turns into the princess from A Knight’s Tale and asks us to prove our love by giving up something we love for 40 days.
I, for instance, gave up the slide whistle this year, which means 40 days of stern erections: a price my wife will just have to pay. In prior years, I’ve given up monologuing in the shower, checking my tissues for productive noseblowings and Chalupas because
- It has to be something difficult to live without. (I ate nothing but Gorditos in 1998 to keep to my non-Chalupa agreement.)
- It can’t be a repeat.
But, you don’t have to be Catholic to participate. In fact, Muslims have their own version, Ramadan, while Evangelical Protestants swear off of gay sex for their entire lives — which often leads to failure for extending it beyond the Lent season.
It is in this Christian spirit that I’ve prescribed some Lent suggestions to others. Who knows? Maybe it will change their lives permanently for the better. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Lent Edition
Prescott, Iowa’s J. Wilson has gone one drastic step further than most super-pious Christians: During Lent, he’s decided to not ingest any grub. Instead, he’ll just sip water and beer.
“Right now, the plan is to drink four 12-ounce beers a day…and lots of water in between … Getting drunk is the last thing on my to-do list at this time.”
YES. You may assume that this is a high-falutin’ excuse to stay
awesome buzzed awesome for a month and a half, but that’s not the case. We think. Wilson calls this a “historical study,” an attempt to live like a seventeenth-century monk. To sustain themselves during Lent, monks subsisted on a doppelbock, a high-calorie, carbohydrate-crammed beer.
To sustain himself, Wilson, a veteran homebrewer, teamed up with the folks at the local Rock Bottom brewpub to create the Illuminator Doppelbock. We salute and support him on this journey.
Let’s get this out of the way before I piss off only the Catholics: unless you’re dieting or a passive-aggressive schmuck, fasting is for losers. Almost every religion employs it at some point and tries to dismiss hunger pains and low blood pressure symptoms as holy euphoria.
But, anyone who’s bound to be offended knows why I’m talking about this today: it’s Who Gives a Rat’s Ash Wednesday. The media month for the Christian Super Bowl of Easter has opened, and adherents will give up things they love for Lent.
Some people give up booze, others smoking. Some women give up chocolate. In short, everyone gets a little bitchier, which simulates how angsty the Pharisees were to drive Jesus into the ground about this time. (Too soon?) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Give up church for Lent
It’s Ash Wednesday, all you Catholics out there. We know you’re excited. Are you ready to give something up for Lent? Did you forget it was Lent in the first place? It happens.
Bishops in England have a suggestion for what you should give up: your iPod. Instead of forgoing chocolate, soda or something along those lines, why don’t you give up something that will help save the environment? Give up some piece of technology (that you’re addicted to anyway), reduce your power consumption, do something to be greener.
We’d just like to say: please don’t give up your computer. We’d miss you.