Take it from Snee (and Michael Westen)

When you’re a petty criminal, sometimes an intel gathering operation doesn’t go as planned. Getting arrested in the Best Buy parking lot with a trunk full of NIC cards and processors isn’t the end of an operation, but sometimes the next step towards bigger and better activities.

In this case, the judge sentenced me to community service at the local (Miami) post office. You might be aware that most post offices have a special section for holding letters addressed to “Santa Claus” at the “North Pole,” and that those letters are eventually answered by felons as part of the prison labor system. Miami has that and a section for letters addressed to “Michael Westen” from the Burn Notice television program.

When you’re trapped in the post office, you have to bide your time, do as you’re told and try not to make any sudden movements (unless you want the employees to complain you’re moving too fast). You do whatever work they give you. (Answering Michael Westen letters.) You rely on anyone who will talk to you. (Nobody). Bottom line: until you get a few of these letters answered, you’re not going anywhere. Continue reading Take it from Snee (and Michael Westen)

The end of an era

Rochus Misch, Hitler’s last surviving bodyguard, has had enough of your letters. He just cannot–cannot–handle any more fan mail.

Yeah, the one guy who was in the best position to, oh, end World War II at any point and end years of suffering and atrocities, who instead chose to protect history’s greatest embodiment of evil and his top-ranking henchmen, has a pile of unanswered letters and packages from well-wishers around the world.

He would quit answering hate mail, too, but he apparently doesn’t get any.

We’d like to thank Mr. Misch for his years of diligent autographing and mailing photos of himself in his old SS uniform, proving that, if there was a god, he died assembling Volkswagen Beetles.