The McBournie Minute: Take your smutty pills elsewhere, bub!

Rep. Jim Moran, D-Va., is my representative in the House of Representatives of these here United States of America. I’m really not sure if I voted for him, when I was in the voting booth I just voted for women and and guys whose names sounded ethnic-y. But if I did vote for Moran, due to some confusion on my part that he was Hispanic, I am proud I made the informed vote.

The distinguished gentlemen from the Commonwealth of Virginia is taking a stand against one of the most pressing issues our country faces today. You guessed it: erectile dysfunction ads.

Since the late 1990s, these ads have been plaguing America. They were subtle then, because we were all naive–that and Viagra had a corner on the market. But a few years back, Cialis, Levitra (from the Latin root “levitat,” to make rise) and others came on the scene. Suddenly, there was market competition, which meant one thing: scrap the subtleties and innuendos, throw Bob Dole out the window and start beating Americans over the head with what their product will do. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Take your smutty pills elsewhere, bub!

We’re going to Cancun for senior week!

Sure, Mexico City is the biggest city in the Western Hemisphere, it’s dirty, the air’s bad, the water isn’t safe to drink, the power goes out now and then for no reason and it’s overpopulated, but damn if the senior citizens aren’t happy!

As reported by our sister site, HombresSeriamentes.com, Mexico City is giving out free Viagra, Levitra and Cialis to its senior (or is it “señor?”) citizens. The theory behind this is that sex is important to one’s wellbeing. Just ask our very own Rick Snee, who is now as healthy as a horse. (Note: Eight Belles was healthy as a horse at Belmont before she ended up breaking her ankles and getting euthanized on the track.)

Not only will this mean old people could need less medical treatment (aside from a broken hip), but it means the men will probably not need canes anymore.

Court: Super Bowl needed tits

With a ruling that’s guaranteed to offend anyone who pretends they don’t like women’s breasts, a U.S. Appeals court has thrown out the FCC’s fine against CBS for the 2004 Super Bowl Halftime “Show.”

For those who don’t know what we’re talking about*, Justin Timberlake ripped part of Janet Jackson’s clothes off, revealing a very bizarre star-thingie … and a boob somewhere under that. Half the nation was appalled–demanding that the FCC babysit for them–while the other half thought they were clever to joke about the Levitra commercials.

Well, it’s all settled now: the possibly-modified breast did, in fact, make a Super Bowl Halftime Show remotely watchable for the only time in the game’s history.

And now, readers, as you were.

*SeriouslyGuys would like to wish a very happy birthday to devoted reader Hunter Cramdale, who just turned four-years-old! Hunter, your Booze News stein is in the mail and be sure to ask your parents about Janet Jackson’s honkers.