Tagged: lie

| Filed under War on Robots

Computer wins the Tapout off pro poker players’ backs

The human players lost $1.7 million dollars in chips to the computer. But we don’t know if they kept their $200 hoodies, sunglasses with holographic snake-eye lenses or dignity.

Humanity was counting on two factors to help us win the War on Robots — 1) psychic computer-programming powers and 2) the ability to lie about the giant electromagnet behind our back. And, thanks to artificial intelligence programmers who really wanted to a machine to win at poker, we just lost the edge on number two.

Libratus, an AI built by Carnegie Mellon University, just beat four of our species’ greatest poker players by finally perfecting the ability to out-bluff human opponents. Computers can now strategically lie about the cards they’re virtually holding with just enough truth to raise uncertainty.

But …! We still have one more advantage over Libratus and its heirs: its new poker skillset is essentially meaningless in the modern world. C’mon, Libratus — Hold’em? What is this, 2006? In technology years, that’s like the Hamster Dance winning the 2008 election.

| Filed under Ask Dr. Snee, Take it from Snee

Ask Dr. Snee: Every placebo you want it to be

Dear Dr. Snee,

What is a placebo? Is that what mother dogs eat when they have puppies?

–Johnny Laster, age 8

A mother dog eats the placenta, which is part of the sac that fetuses live inside of while in their mother’s stomach.

But that’s not just dogs: all mammals have them, including humans. I talked to your mom (in bed) and she told me that she intentionally ate Indian food the entire week you were due, just so your placenta would taste like curry.

A placebo, on the other hand, is a tricky medical term. Continue reading

| Filed under How To

How To: Get married

We’ve provided several How Tos on how to get into a relationship. This isn’t one of those.

No, this How To is about making the whole ordeal much, much easier. At some point, you’re going to consider taking the plunge, whether it’s a matter of financial security, citizenship, wanting to breed or the government finally said it’s OK. (Keep your chins up, robo sapiens!)

That is why The Guys sat down and drafted this handy guide that explains how to get married.

Continue reading

| Filed under Regular Post

Shot through the shoulder, and you’re to blame

Whatever happened to the old days of faking a sickness or saying a relative had died? Modern jobs apparently call for modern solutions when it comes to getting a day off. That’s why Daniel Kuch told his work that he had been shot in a drive-by shooting in order to avoid work.

The Guys encourage using these as excuses not to work:

  • Attacked by a polar bear. (This ties in well with the War on Animals and is a viable excuse.)
  • Dayquil fueled coma.
  • Had to travel across the country for a family emergency.