Like a new puppy, kids start out all right. They eat cheap, simple meals. When they bite you, it’s adorable because they don’t have teeth. When you shake them, they make an adorable gassy face as their eyes cross.
Unfortunately, like puppies, they grow out of that. (Most of the time.) What to do with a pimply squawking teenager, what … to … do …
Oh, we know! Send them to prison! And just to make sure they don’t come back to live in your basement, sentence them to stay there for life without parole!
If you are a parent and do not live in Alaska, Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico or Oregon, then your state has no penal code against sending your spawn to prison for the rest of your life. More than 2,000 households are currently adolescent-free (73 of which got rid of theirs at 13- or 14-years-old); why not yours?
And if the terrible twos are driving you to your wits’ end, there are 19 states that are able to sentence little Damien to life without parole. You may not want to make a man out of him, but there are some inmates who do!
Thanks to some meddlesome liberal do-gooders, this may be a limited time offer, so act now!