Canada apologizes, recalls high-proof gin for being too awesome

There is a land, a magical land, where your favorite booze is twice as strong as it used to be. And for a short time, that wonderful land was Canada.

The Canadian Food Inspection Agency announced that it is recalling 1.14 liter bottles (Really? 1.14 liters?) of Bombay Sapphire gin because it’s a higher proof than what the label says. It’s supposed to be 80 proof, but the bottles in question are more like 154 proof because they weren’t diluted properly. This means that unless they are foolish enough to return their treasures, some lucky Canadians are going to really enjoy the NHL playoffs.

The Guys are already planning a road trip.

Science: Booze is booze is booze

If you see a difference between these drinks, you’re biased.

It’s Valentine’s Day, and whether that means you’re drinking wine with your lover, or pounding cheap whiskey mixed with tears because you’re alone, your body treats it all the same.

According to researchers, your body can’t tell the difference between the alcohol in one drink from another. Which means if tequila makes your clothes fall off, the same amount of alcohol from hard cider will, too. The real factor is how much alcohol is in your drink, and how much alcohol is going into your system.

So don’t worry about buying the good stuff. Once it’s past your tongue, your body doesn’t know if it’s rotgut or septuple-distilled vodka.

 

Finally, a gin that makes you look younger

Alright kid, you've had enough for tonight.
Alright kid, you’ve had enough for tonight.

Do you drink? Do you enjoy gin, but hate that you’re drinking yourself into an early grave? Are you easily swayed by gimmicks? We’ve got the gin for you.

Enter Anti-aGin, a gin distilled from collagen, and who doesn’t love the taste of collagen? As people who don’t read this site will know, collagen is stuff that’s good for your skin. It helps your skin stay firm. The loss of collagen overtime is one of the effects of aging. Not that it’s backed up by science, but the thinking is that if you can drink collagen, you’ll enjoy a buzz and get a nice, youthful glow. That’s assuming your cheeks aren’t flushed from drinking in the first place.

Like most other shady sounding beverages we feature, Anti-aGin is only available in the U.K. Write your congressman today and tell them you want to drink from the fountain of youth.

Virginia goes on a bender

Thanks, Nature!
Thanks, Nature!

The Guys all live in Virginia, which is supposed to be hit with a big snow storm over the weekend. You know that we have all taken the proper precautions to ensure our safety, but you may not realize how much of an effect we have on our fellow Virginians.

In getting ready for the storm, people have been stocking up on the essentials, namely, liquor. Stores throughout the state, especially in Richmond, are selling out of hooch because so many people are stocking up for the weekend blizzard.

We’re thrilled to have inspired so many people. We all stocked up earlier this week, and don’t plan on being without a drink in hand until Monday morning at the earliest.

North Korea totally invented a hangover-free liquor, you guys

We have long awaited this day. Every boozer that has ever lived has dreamed of seeing it happen. The Guys want to salute North Korea for inventing a liquor that doesn’t give you a hangover.

Sure, North Korea may have lied about successfully testing a hydrogen bomb recently. And we’re still waiting on proof that they invented a single drug that cures AIDS, Ebola, MERS and SARS, but it seems like we should trust them on this one. According to state-controlled media reports, a ginseng-based liquor has been made with scorched, glutinous rice instead of sugar, which is supposed to eliminate hangovers. The drink was called by North Korea media as “suave,” which should go to show that someone needs to pay their English translators better.

Hopefully Kim Jong-Un will send us a case for our review, until then, we’ll have to take his word for it.

Prison is too good for him

When you buy a bottle of something, you expect to get what the label says is in the bottle. Only the lowest forms of life would defraud at thirsty sot.

In Backpool, England, a man has been charged with selling fake liquor. To be fair, he was selling it in a designated area in town where there are slot machines, so people probably knew it wasn’t on the up-and-up in the first place. However, according to authorities, the man sold sealed bottles of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and Smirnoff vodka that were actually filled with water. Worse yet, the bottles of Jack contained human urine and feces, probably for color.

But let’s be clear, the most heinous crime of all is selling fake hootch. Do they still draw and quarter people over there?

Americans fail to medal in team liquor drinking

The year is only two months old, and we’ve got more bad news for the U.S. in the realm of international drinking. We already told you that India leads the world in whiskey drinking.

When it comes to drinking liquor, South Korea is kicking our ass. What’s worse is that Team USA barely cracks the top 10. We average 3.3 shots per week, regardless of liquor. Whoever is leaving the 0.7 shots in the glass each week is probably a lightweight. Out ranking us, from #9 to #1, are Brazil, Slovakia, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Japan, Thailand, Philippines, Russia, and South Korea.

Russians drink 6.3 shots per week, nearly twice what we do. But South Koreans make even the Russians look like wine-cooler-sipping high school girls, averaging 13.7 shots per week.

The study only counts those of legal age, so there’s no doubt the U.S. would do better if the American sub-21 crowd was let in to compete on the international stage. Those of us who can legally drink need to step it up.

Your drink of choice says a lot about your politics

Available on the SG Merch page any day now.
Available on the SG Merch page any day now.

The drink in your hand says a lot about you, provided it’s not beer. According to a new study, the type of liquor or wine you drink may not only tell about your political leanings, but how likely you are to vote.

National Media Planning and Placement released a chart of based on consumer data that connects how likely a drinker of a certain brand of wine or liquor is to vote, and how likely that drinker is to vote Democratic or Republican. Who’s ready for some fun observations about this fun, but mostly useless data?

  • Captain Morgan (spiced) is the drink of the moderate but unenthused, while Barardi drinkers are just as moderate, but more likely to stagger over to the polls.
  • People who are likely to vote seem to agree that wine is for them, but only freedom-hating left-wingers drink Smoking Loon, while conservatives sip Robert Mondavi as they reload their guns.
  • Conservative voters like whiskey, bourbon and scotch, while liberals like vodka and gin.
  • If you drink tequila, whether Democrat or Republican, your inability to stand makes it unlikely that you’re going to vote.

Ask Dr. Snee: Got any Irish in you?

Today is St. Patrick’s Day.

And when I think of St. Patrick’s, I think of not pulling out during my annual night of leprechaun-themed sex. (There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for love, unlike certain Meat Loafs.)

Based on your letters, though, most of you think about drinking. Is St. Patrick’s a drinking holiday? I’ve been known tip a keg back for Bastille Day, but imbibing alcohol on a religious day? You people are weird.

Nevertheless, it is my doctorly duty to never turn away a patient until their insurance company says it’s OK. So, let’s get to your questions.
Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Got any Irish in you?

A drink to celebrate an arrival, or forget on departure

Flying sucks, and Las Vegas knows that. Unfortunately, unless you live in the southwest (and really, who does?), you have to fly to get there and back to where you call home.

MacCarran International Airport in Las Vegas already has slot machines in it, but it’s time to up the ante once again. They are considering putting a liquor store in it. This isn’t the duty-free kind of shop thing, we’re talking full on liquor store.

It’s time to fly high.