Minty-fresh, gonorrhea-free

I mean, your mouth was full already.

As mentioned earlier, we’re about three months deep in the official holiday season, which means peppermint-flavored everything that goes in your mouth. And now, we really mean everything, because Listerine could help prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) of antibiotic-resistant bacterial gonorrhea.

Not only does Listerine kill bacterial gonorrhea in culture dishes, but when gargled by 196 men being treated for gonorrheal throat infections, 80 percent of those men were gonorrhea-free five minutes later.

So, it looks like we’ll be putting out a peppermint stick for Ol’ Saint Nick when he’s coming down our chimney now.

(Apologies to Andy Williams, but … you know what? No. Andy got that song stuck in our heads and now we’re ruining it with Aquafresh-flavored dick. Deal with it.)

Next they’ll be adding fluoride

It is all too common for citizens and water connoisseurs alike to complain about the taste of their town’s water. Sometimes it’s pumped in from other places, sometimes it’s disgusting well water that turns your shower an unnatural shade of reddish orange. Lititz, Pennsylvania has had something many towns would want: mint tasting water.

Purely by coincidence, the town is home to the world’s largest Listerine manufacturing plant. The company of course denied that they had any part in why the town’s water suddenly changed taste. So Lititz had some water tests done. Wouldn’t you know, there were some “mouthwash flavoring agents” in the town’s water.

Not so excited about this news is the town that is home to the world’s largest Clorox plant.