Shepherds to meddlesome eagles: Pew pew!

Shepherds in Scotland are tired of eagles making off with their lambs. They’re so tired of it that they’ve decided to step up their game: with laser beams.

White-tailed eagles keep stealing lambs from flocks of sheep in Scotland, and the Scots have decided to try shooting laser beams at them to keep them away. The plan is to point lasers at hills to creep out eagles and keep them away from the countryside, where they go after livestock. The thinking is that eagles will think there’s a prog rock laser show going on (eagles hate those, of course) and avoid the area altogether.

If this plan doesn’t work, they’ll use a death ray.

German cows light their farts on fire

It is our sad duty to inform you all that there has been an explosion in Germany, and it appears to have been caused by animals.

Officials say methane gas from the farts of 90 cows caused a shed to explode in the town of Rasdorf. The roof was damaged, but no humans were hurt. One cow was treated for burns. Does it seem to anyone else like between the cows and the pigs, our livestock are learning how to kill us?

This is exactly why we need to invent low-emission cows.