Tag: London

Alcoholism–bringing families together and being paid for it

Drinking with your own dad? Awkward. Drinking with someone else's? Not as much.Homer Simpson one gave a toast, claiming “To alcohol–the cause and solution for all of my problems.” Seemingly, the first part of that is normally true, as more often than not, how regularly do you hear of drunk drivers? Is it unusual to see that shirtless dude on COPS holding two or six empty beer bottles while having a dialogue with the local law enforcement? Do you enjoy hitting anything and everything after having a sip of the spirits?

Well guess what, alcohol is now fixing things! Case in point–a London man put out an ad asking for a jovial fellow to be paid to drink with his dad. The recipient of the job (a dream for many, including The Guys) gets paid for their time, plus expenses. Brilliant! The lucky gentleman to acquire the task actually turned out to be two lucky gentlemen … and Mike Hammond, the son in question, couldn’t be happier.

“Dad’s now going to be going down to the pub several times a week–three with his new friends and twice with me. I want to give him some of his old life back.”

Alcohol, fixing a family for every eight that it’s broken.

Update to ‘Pip pip, cheerio and all that ultra conservative behavior’

In more “we won!” news, It looks like London is changing their mind on that “no naked goddess in the subway” rule and will now allow the “overtly sexual” Venus painting to be displayed on tube advertisements. How gracious of them. You know what’s funny, though? Using the word “tube” when talking about 16-century paintings of naked goddesses.

(Once again, both links might be Not Safe For Work, but it all depends on your employers … or your host country. England, I’m looking at you.)

Pip pip, cheerio and all that ultra conservative behavior

Prudish oversensitivity reaches new heights of holy crapness as a poster for a Royal Academy exhibition featuring a 500 year old painting of a sans-clothing Venus by Lucas Cranach the Elder is banned from the London Underground for violating advertising guidelines prohibiting material that “depict men, women or children in a sexual manner, or display nude or semi-nude figures in an overtly sexual context“. Art is art, people. Get over it.

And besides, it’s not even like her boobs are that big or anything!

(Link might be Not Safe For Work, but it all depends on your employers)

I’ll see your frivolous spending and raise you one ghost

Many are the complaints about United States government’s spending on things that are felt to be otherwise unnecessary. Without getting too political, these range from battles that are felt to be both unneeded and unwanted to government agencies that hire people not to do actual work per sé, but to literally watch over the janitors.

But fret not, loyal arrogant USA’ers, as we’re no longer the only country to have incredibly silly and gratuitous items clog up our federal budget, as now London joins our ranks. Why so? Because unlike The Guys, they seem to be plenty scared of ghosts, and have hired a psychic to tell a ghost that’s haunting their building to hit the bricks. Despite, y’know, London having both wind and open windows, thus possibly explaining why stuff moves around.

I’m just saying, is all.

The war doesn’t end with death

It is this blog’s sad duty to report that actor Roy Scheider has passed. Scheider is probably the most celebrated film icon in the War on Animals for blowing the head off of a great white shark in Jaws.

The movie is largely credited with reminding people of the dangers in the ocean, where you can always see creatures approaching, especially if you are skinny dipping alone near a large buoy late at night. In our warrior hearts, Scheider will always be remembered for his immortal line as he fired the fatal shot, “Smile, you son of a b–[BOOM!]”

The hospital isn’t saying how Scheider died, but this blog has its own theories.

Speaking of death and animals, mourners at a London funeral were treated to a horrible sight, when horses pulling the deceased’s casket broke into a stampede. The carriage tipped over, bouncing the casket around and throwing flowers here and there.

The bumpy ride to eternal slumber finally ended at the cemetery, but many mourners were so upset they had to be restrained. As this blog always says: don’t let an animal do a job any machine could do. Machines haven’t attacked us–yet.