It only feels like you’re dying on long flights

Ever catch a follow-up to a news story you didn’t know existed and then realize that that original news could have been something important? Like how scientists discovered that the cholesterol in eggs is actually good for you, but you’ve been eating a dozen a day this entire time because you never knew they could have killed you?

That’s when the Guys play a little game we call, “WaitWhat?!

Good news! It turns out that flying coach won’t kill you with blood clots.

Waitwhat?!

Apparently, doctors had suspected for some time now that long flights contribute to blood clots in normally healthy people, particularly if you were penned up with the other livestock in coach. The more couped up you are, especially in a window seat, you’re less likely to get up or tap a foot lest you want to launch the Shasta on your tray over the seat and into the guy reclining into your crotch. (If you didn’t hear about this, it’s obvious you don’t read the First Class edition of the in-flight magazine.)

But, they’ve revised that hypothesis based on research quietly conducted through episodes of The Office on that little overhead television. They now believe the only ones at risk are those with conditions pre-existing the stressful rigors of flying coach. So, if you’re flying for a big presentation, convince your boss that you need to fly First Class.

Oh, and one of those pre-existing conditions? Using birth control.

Waitwhat?!

Sorry, that’s another edition of “WaitWhat?!