New Orleans cameras ticket parked cars for speeding

Speeding is taken very seriously in New Orleans. And the speeding cameras, which we know are just robots plotting against us, take it seriously as well.

Some New Orleans cameras take the infraction so seriously that they are issuing speeding tickets to parked cars. Yes, that’s a moving violation for a vehicle that’s not moving. Residents complain that they are legally parked on the street, and the cameras pick up their plates, rather than the offending vehicle’s as it passes through. Owners of the parked cars get the tickets, rather than the offenders.

One day, the robots will decide to fine us just for living.

We don’t want your money, but we want YOUR money

Oh Bobby Jindal. Do you really think that the internet forgets anything? Like the 45, 000 dollars spent on in-city helicopter trips among a time-span of 4 months or the refusal of money going to your state for economic stimulus purposes?

After meeting with President Obama and other Gulf Coast leaders, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal called for BP to approve a $457 million seafood safety program for the region. Jindal held his press conference in New Orlean’s Acme Oyster House in the French Quarter-a symbolic location chosen to remind Americans how integral local oysters, shrimp, and crawfish are to the region.

Surrounded by commercial fishermen, Jindal reminded the crowd that seafood is hugely important to the state’s financial health (and that of the region as a whole). In Louisiana alone, the impact on the economy is estimated at $2.3 billion. The proposed safety plan is essentially a 20-year initiative that calls for industry safeguards and repair the damage done to consumer confidence regarding seafood in local waters.

As public anger over BP’s perceived lack of action continues to mount, it’s a savvy time to request funds. Jindal said the $457 million represents “a fraction of what we would lose year after year after year” should BP decline to the request. It’s just a drop in the bucket of what the oil company is going to end up shelling out for this mess, but for PR value alone, the money could be well-spent.

Remember people, it’s only acceptable to take money from big organizations for state purposes when it’s an election year.

Smoke on the water

Let’s be clear on one thing: oil spills are not cool. We’re going out on a limb with that one, even though it often means killing dangerous animals. However, the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico just took a turn for the awesome.

As the oil slick gets closer to the Mississippi River Delta, the federal government is thinking about setting the whole thing on fire. Take that, Louisiana!

UPDATE: It’s happening.

Happiness is a state (no, really)

The CDC has conducted a survey over the past four years, poling (heh) over 1.3 million people to learn if they’re happy. (Before you suddenly fiscal conservatives go crazy, remember: four years ago.)

Organized by state, it appears that Louisiana is numbah one.

Of course, part of their data was collected before Hurricane Katrina, and part of it afterwards, yet they still managed to average happiest over states like Florida, Hawaii and Wyoming, which everyone knows is called “the Happy State.”

Factors that raised states like Hawaii and Florida to the top and states like New Jersey and Antipathy (a secret volcanic island off the Jersey Shore where the government tests wild dog repellent on newborns) included climate, crime rates, air quality and schools.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a news story about a study unless someone reached startlingly untenable conclusions based on research that wasn’t present and ignores the other 48 states in between the top and bottom results: the USA Today believes faith is the the reason why Louisianna beat out New York. Well, you know what they say about ignorance.

He’s ‘coming out’ and you’re throwing a party? Really?

Look, GOP. We understand that it’s not your fault that, for the mostly anti-gay party, you’ve had your share of gay sex scandals. However, phrases like this about your new poster boy don’t help:

“‘The speech is very important. This is [Bobby Jindal’s] coming-out party,’ said G. Pearson Cross, head of the University of Louisiana’s political science department, who has observed Jindal‘s political rise.”

Just sayin’. We’re sure you’re much better at being Republicans than we are … not that there’s anything wrong with that.