One jive turkey indeed

We’ve long overlooked the turkey in the War on Animals. We serve their legs at Renn Faires, grind them up for low-fat meatballs and even tease them with one Presidential pardon a year for Thanksgiving.

It is our complacency that has led turkeys to embrace terrorist tactics. Unable to fight with us directly, they have resorted to the first of what may be many suicide attacks on government buildings. In their first attack, one flew into the window of a Lubbock county courthouse.

If we can pardon them, then we can try them in military tribunals. We recommend bringing General Butterball — and possibly Colonel Sanders in the event of a chicken insurgency — to the Pentagon immediately.