Lyle’s a less-than-goth name

It happened in John Carpenter’s Vampires, it happened in From Dusk Till Dawn (and the plethora of direct to video sequels), it happened in Near Dark and it’s happening again in Galveston: Vampires.

Mind you, it’s a new day and age. Society has changed greatly since the middle ages. Gone are the capes and frilly-neck shirts! In their place lie tattoos and boxers. Away are slicked back hair! A nice buzz-cut will probably do. Names such as Alucard, Vlad, Orlock, Varney, Shaitan and Faethor are out! Names like Lyle will do the job.

Where am I going with all of this? A man, Lyle Bensley, is charged with attacking a woman in Galveston, wearing only his underoos and the ink that his tattoo artist dark lord gave him … because he is VAMPIRE! At least, that’s his side of the story. I eagerly await the “need to quench the thirst” defense being used in court.

On the plus side, according to the authorities and emergency medical personnel, the nu-age nosferatu wasn’t under the influence of drugs. So he’s got that.