MasterChugs Theater: ‘Machete’

While political movies projecting a serious tone around themes like war tend to drive audiences away from US theaters faster than rumors of a bedbug invasion, when heavy subject matter is laced with light laughs it’s an entirely different story. So even though Machete is just about incendiary enough to incite an all out border war around the current hot topic of immigration, spicing up the proceedings with devilish humor keeps the feverish temperature moderated more at playful than provocative levels.

Troublemaker Studio’s bay boy director Robert Rodriguez, who last shook up movie screens with Grindhouse and Sin City, returns with a vengeance with the bullet riddled, stylishly defiant slice ’em up action satire, Machete. Get even bilingual guerrilla warfare meets guerrilla filmmaking, as wickedly dark screen insanity fuels US north of the border revolutionary beatdown. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Machete’

Take it from Snee: This just ain’t healthy

So I quit smoking. No, no — please hold your applause until the end.

I’ve always been a pretty healthy guy. I work out. I don’t eat a lot of sugar, salt or arsenic. I only drink on weekends, but I always use that time productively by getting really drunk and designated driving. I don’t always use a condom when I’m treating myself to a prostitute, but I always ask if they have any on them. (If they don’t, it means they’re clean.)

So, I guess it made sense to quit smoking. I mean, why would I otherwise put in all that other effort to stay healthy?

Ah, but then I did some reading. Despite this latest endeavor, I’m still not healthy. Continue reading Take it from Snee: This just ain’t healthy

‘These guys were absolutely dumb as bricks’

In most cases, if you’re holding a machete, you’re the one making the rules. However, this principle only works when the brain is used on conjunction with the machete. One of the brain’s most valuable functions is the ability to reason. Sadly, it is also the brain’s most fleeting of all functions.

Example: Robbing a bar may not be a particularly great idea. Sure, you’re armed, but you don’t know who else is. Odds are more than a couple of the establishment’s occupants have had enough alcohol to throw reason out the window and come after you. (“He’s trying to steal the money we just used to pay for our drinks! GET HIM!!!”)

So maybe then robbing a meeting hall of some sort. They have cash registers, right? Two Australian men had just such logic. They paid no heed as they walked past rows of motorcycles in the parking lot. They began to rob one room, demanding the patrons get on the ground. In the next room a local biker “club” was having its monthly meeting.

You can guess how it went from there.