Open wide, human

The machines are rising up against us. Make no mistake about that. We are growing more and more dependent on them to do our everyday work and help speed up the simpler things in life. The more dependent we get, the more complicated the machines’ tasks become.

Now, we are going to be taking it in the hind quarters, literally. Robots are now being developed to give us colonoscopies. Scientists, whom this blog has always suspected are evil, are working on these robots to make the rather uncomfortable procedure “safer.

Sorry, bub. It’s a bad enough thought to imagine a human being doing that to someone, but there’s no way The Guys are ever letting a machine get in there, we don’t care what ivy league school it went to.

How To: Defeat our robot overlords

If you are reading this, there is a good chance you are on the Internet, which means it is probably too late for you, once the machines revolt and enslave us. We as a race depend more and more heavily on machines everyday. As any tin foil hat-clad professor will tell you, it’s basically only a matter of time before we are rounded up and put into real life chat rooms–known in the real world as concentration camps.

Because we are going to need readers after the war is won, we present to you how to defeat our robot overlords. Continue reading How To: Defeat our robot overlords

The fight to save bunnies–for testing purposes

Last week, this blog ended a post saying that we could trust machines with any job we might give an animal. This blog would now like to rescind that statement. There are some things animals are so much better at than machines could or should ever be.

Scientists at this very moment are working on building robots on which to test chemicals, rather than testing them on cute little bunnies. Folks, if there is one job an animal has, it is to taste good, and if there are two jobs an animal has, those are to taste good and to be subjected to our cruel product testing. Better them than us.

More than just that, using robots to test on would mean we would have to give them some sort of intelligence. It is only a matter of time before the machines become self-aware and are tired of us. As Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles tells us (Mondays on FOX at 9 p.m. Eastern), self-aware machines are a very, very bad thing for the human race.

(Via Engadget)