They’ve got death threats on the Xbox Live now?

A boy from Maryland has been arrested after stealing access to a stranger’s Xbox Live account and using it to issue Columbine-style death threats, which is awesome if you want to get arrested quickly and surely.

Union County Prosecutor, Theodore J. Romankow revealed that the boy obtained access to the account via some shady deal on a “third party website.” Apparently the transaction involved a copy of “the Madden NFL”, although no further details have been made known. This would have made a TON more sense if it involved “the Madden PGA.”

The teenager then took the account, belonging to a Berkeley Heights HS student, and proceeded to send death threats to everybody on his friends list, which included other high school members. He declared he would bring a gun to school and start shooting people. After parents were alerted to the threats, they contacted the police. The owner of the Gamertag denied sending the messages, and after cops traced the account history, they discovered the actual perpetrator in Maryland. After cops finally tracked him down, it became clear there was no real threat.

Except for him getting plugged in prison (and we know what I mean). He could nonetheless face serious charges since stealing accounts and using them to issue death threats is still, y’know, a crime.

Take it from Snee: Retrospect this

While I’m certainly glad to see more people writing thanks to the advent of blogging, twittering and other terms that were previously symptoms of pleurisy; whereas I am also elated to say goodbye to the biggest waste of a decade since the 1460s (was there any good music that decade?); and because I look forward to the Twenty-Ten future, I am officially sick of all retrospectives about this and any other decade from here on out.

To make sure one is never written again, I’ve done you all a favor and written and all-encompassing one that should work for the next hundred years.* Don’t think I’ve left out names to be vaguely correct: in 10 years’ time, you’ll have forgotten most of the “important” people of this past decade, too.

*If this template still applies after 100 years, you’re on your own because I should be dead. Hopefully of something awesome like breastclimbing or mesotheligladiator fights.

Well, it’s been another 10 years, and what a 10 years it’s been! Let’s recap the good, bad and weird from this decade. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Retrospect this

Eat My Sports: Gone mournin’

Actor Patrick Swayze is dead. That’s the bad news. The good news is that he had the time of his life, and he owes it all to Schools.

For that reason, there will be no Eat My Sports this week, as Bryan Schools is in mourning. But fear not, he will be back next week to update you all on the SeriouslyLions, make some picks for the upcoming games, and of course, talk about how amazing Tom Brady and the New England Patriots of Football after their exciting win over the Buffalo Buffaloes last night.

Or maybe he’ll just talk about the fun new hairstyles of football players. We’re only seven days away from finding out the answer!

Deep blue motorcycle

Apparently chess isn’t the best game to play drunk. Despite beer pong, Madden, pool and darts paving the way for drunken excellence while hammered, dozing off after only 11 moves during an international tournament is grounds for losing on a technicality.

In our drunk bishop’s defense though, Vladislav Tkachiev is French, so other than champagne and baguettes, we’re not sure if they can handle booze.

Eat My Sports: Bring it, Madden

I am challenging John Maddden. No, not to a game of Scrabble, or a game of who can drop “boom” more times in a five minute conversation. No kids, this year, we here at SG are challenging the video game, to see how they can handle us.

Playing as your favorite team gets lame after a while, Bryan McBournie himself has even admitted to there being a limit as to how much he can take of Tom Brady’s digital butt. So you need to kick it up a notch, give the game a little spark. You need to create a team of you and your friends as “create-a-players” with perfect ratings, and see if Madden has the cajones to keep up with you.

McBournie and I are masters of this. Throughout college we perfected the QB/RB combo by designing a shotgun offense that allowed my golden arm and toned legs to plow through any defense like Lindsay Lohan and Misha Barton tag-teaming a 10-lb eight ball. This year however, SG will take on Madden. And we will keep you posted of the results, but before we update you every week. Here is our lineup, as we will make the Detroit Lions a playoff team. Why Detroit? We told you already, we like the shotgun. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Bring it, Madden

OH SNAP! It’s not over until it red-rings!

We’re no stranger to athletes needing cause for attention and thus making insanely large jackasses of themselves regularly in the public spotlight. So, of course, when recently signed Seattle Seahawk, T.J. Houshmandzadeh found out his rating on Madden NFL 10 was only a 91, he became upset. And decided to let the world know that he was upset. Because you’re apparently allowed to do that when you make more than a million dollars a year, even in this economy.

EA Tiburon wasn’t having any of that. Nuh-uh.

Just last week, two developers for the game, Ian Cummings and Donny Moore went on to ESPN First Take to set the record straight. Houshmandzadeh (thank you copy and paste combinations) also appeared on the show.

It was predictably anti-climactic. No names were dropped, no fists were thrown (a little hard with Houshmandzadeh appearing via telephone, mind you), no challenges were uttered, but a resolution was sorted of sorts. Houshmandzadeh (once again, thank you Command + V) wishes very much for a mid-season update. Let’s just hope he’s earning his money by Week 9.

NFL player not content with $2 million a year, boycotts Madden

The annual Madden ratings are a big deal to football players-and for the particularly egotistical ones, it’s natural to feel that the game doesn’t properly assess their talents. For the rest of us, it tends to fall under the criteria of Internet ridiculousness.

This one easily crosses a bit too far into absurdity.

Seattle Seahawks wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh feels that Madden NFL 10 has underrated him at a 91. So, in a show of protest, he declared on Colin Cowherd’s ESPN Radio show recently that he won’t be playing the game.

Houshmandzadeh had played his entire career for the Cincinnati Booooo-ngals Bengals until he signed with the Seahawks during the recent off-season, and what’s the first thing he did, before even playing a preseason game in a Seahawks uniform? Why, blame his former team for his shortcomings, of course:

“Man, they don’t get my rating right … I just looked at the game and they have this wrong and that wrong. And I understand I averaged 10 yards a catch [in 2008], but it’s the offense, man, not me.”

In case you were wondering, this year’s edition of Madden lists Houshmandzadeh as the sixth-best receiver in the NFC; the five players ranked above him (co-cover athlete Larry Fitzgerald, Steve Smith, Anquan Boldin, Roddy White, and Calvin Johnson) each had at least two more touchdowns than he did in 2008, and he’s the only one of the six who didn’t have at least 1,000 yards receiving. If this were a LOLCAT, it would be picture saying “FAIR RATING IS FAIR.”

Of course, he claims he’s better than the numbers say he is, even though sports video game ratings are generally based on the prior year’s statistical performance, and he’s adamant that EA Tiburon has wronged him.

“I’m not playing Madden no more, until they get my rating right,”

he whines. Awwww, pobrecito.

So, we should expect Random Name 2010 instead?

Just last week, SG informed, thanks in no small part to an exclusive blog post, that John Madden was retiring. BAM! That was tough actin’ Ti-blog postin’. Well, hold on to your seats, faithful readers, as you might get exposed to some BAM!, tough actin’ Ti-litigation.

Fresh off a $28 million victory over their own union, a retired NFL player says his comrades are targeting John Madden and Electronic Arts for their roles in games using their likenesses without compensating them.

Readers might recall that more than 2,000 retired NFL players won a collective $28 million judgment against the National Football League Players Association, upheld in January. Their suit alleged that the union advised EA to “scramble” the players’ likenesses (numbers, heights, sometimes races, but not stats) in order to use them in historic team rosters without compensation.

Well, having beaten one end of that shady transaction – the union – it sounds like the players want blood money from the other end-no, not that end-that being the deep-pocketed EA and Madden himself. According to an interview on Dave Pear’s blog:

The retired NFL players who were used in Madden EA video games will be suing Madden and EA for using us in those games without compensating us. We probably will not use … the attorneys who obtained a $28.1 million verdict for us against the NFLPA for “scrambling retired players identities” in those video games. The jury found it a “grossly fraudulent” action taken so they wouldn’t have to pay the retired players. … In my opinion, Madden should have been included in our licensing suit against the NFLPA and so should EA.

Bernie Parrish, the former player being interviewed, asks the retirees, who are due some $13,000 each under the verdict, to set aside $1,000 for a legal fund to continue the pursuit. Because, you know, everyone just has a spare grand lying around for purposes like suing the pants off a union. I keep mine in a glass jar underneath my bed, despite the fact that I’ve never been a member of a union and don’t have any plans to sue former employers of mine.

…..

…..

…….please don’t rob me.