The principal of Dorchester, Massachusetts, Roger Clapp School (seriously, that explains all of NOTHING) lost a bet to his students. As such, he had to dress up as Lady Gaga.
This means he’s a knock-off of Lady Gaga, who is a knock-off of Madonna. This trait of being a knock-off of a knock-off firmly places him in the territory of potentially being sold at Big Lots.
Even though the NFL kept its promise to keep Madonna dressed, the Parents Television Council is up-in-arms because of a bird. NBC censored British singer M.I.A.’s international diplomacy — you know, the finger? — but, it was a half-second too late for the steely gaze of the PTC, who can spot a nipple through a metal doily from a wide-out crane shot.
The PTC had no problem with the rest of Madonna’s show where she outgayed the gayest gay that ever gayed. Clearly, this is both a victory for and challenge to the gay community if they can’t offend America’s scrappiest PTA anymore.
The National Football League has agreed to continue their long-standing policy of helping Puppy Bowl draw more viewers. That announcement was part of an NFL press release in which they confirmed that Madonna will perform a Cirque du Soleil Super Bowl halftime show.
In past years, the NFL has attempted to send viewers fleeing to images of puppies slobbering over a tiny football by booking
▪ A born-again Prince who doesn’t sing about sex anymore
▪ Paul McCartney, post-Beatles
▪ U2, who refuse to feed Bono to starving Africans
▪ Janet Jackson’s metal nipple doily
If this doesn’t work, the NFL plans to run YouTube videos of people vomiting accompanied by the dulcet tones of a stadium full of vuvuzelas in 2013.
Quick, before someone tries to cover it up or explain it all away. Check out this picture from the CNN story.
Yes, there was an accident at a Madonna concert in France, which is tragic of course, but look closer. The French ambulance, a vehicle whose sole purpose is to transport the injured and sometimes dead to the hospital, says in big letters “REANIMATION.”
Yes, reanimation. As in rising from the dead. It’s been a while since we heard from the undead, but they certainly seem to be around. Don’t let Madonna bite you!
Alright, so the roiding scandal of one Alex Rodriguez has been out in the public for roughly a week and a half. And while the Yankees slugger is getting rightfully grilled by every media outlet, a few (*cough* ESPN, *cough* Peter Gammons) are letting A-Rod off the hook by not digging deeper into a story, or by tossing him up a creampuff question that he can slam easier than those 156 steroid-infused home runs at Texas.
So, sure the Material Boy hasn’t given us the answers we’re craving, though he did finally realize that frosted tips are sooooooooo 2001. I am here to give you the true words behind his vague answers in hopes that I can truly help you understand what it’s like to be a baseball player with lipstick. Continue reading Eat My Sports: I’m not finished with you yet, A-Roid
We found out recently that while chef Julia Child was showing her chops as a cook, she was leading a secret double life, cooking up how to defeat the Nazis. Yes, Julia Child is among several nearly-or-almost-dead famous people who were part of the U.S. Office of Strategic Services, the pre-CIA.
We found out in his autobiography that Gong Show creator and host Chuck Barris was a CIA operative, even while he was on the show (something which has never truly been confirmed or denied). This raises the question: who among our current celebrities is involved in covert operations? That’s why The Guys bring you how to tell if a celebrity is really a spy. Continue reading How To: Tell if a celebrity is really a spy
