Oh, Canada / Who knew that you are governed?

In the midst of U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon’s busiest week of the year — the U.N. General Assembly — he received a call from what very well could have been the Canadian Prime Minister. Sure, it turned out to be two French Canadian radio disk jockeys, but could you pass that test?

And, in related news: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad pulled a double-whammy on Israel this week. First, he used his entire allotted speaking time before the General Assembly to accuse Israel of trying to drum up a war. Then afterwards, he and his 100-member entourage tried to steal All The Savings at Payless and Costco.

Ahmadinejad responded to reporters outside of Payless, telling the American media to “tell your Jewish masters that, despite their attempts to derail our programs, the Islamic Republic of Iran has obtained Hush-Puppies at wholesale prices.”

Ayatollah to stop using black magic already!

Ali Khamenei, the grand poobah of Iran, isn’t too keen on President Ahmadinejad at the moment. The president had decided to not officially support Khamenei’s decision to reinstate a minister that Ahmadinejad had originally made resign. As such, Ali has issued a public statement that the president had better get with the program or he. Is. Outta here!

In almost as many words.

Now, normally, that would be pretty interesting news to hear, but for SG, well, The Guys need that certain something.

The rift between the two men grew when the president staged an 11-day walkout in an apparent protest at Khamenei’s decision.

No, that’s not it.

Although Khamenei is not constitutionally allowed to intervene in cabinet appointments, an unwritten law requires all officials to always abide by the supreme leader without showing any opposition.

Nnnnnnh, it almost seems like it’s missing something.

Supporters of Khamenei say that Ahmadinejad is surrounded by “deviants” in his inner circle, including his controversial chief of staff, Esfandiar Rahim Mashaei, who wants to undermine the involvement of clerics in Iran’s politics. Mashaei and his allies have recently been accused of using supernatural powers and invoking djinns (spirits) in pursuing the government’s policies.

Bingo. SG sweet spot achieved.

Eight arms, but only one life

Remember Paul the Octopus? He correctly predicted the outcome of all of Germany’s World Cup games this summer. He was beloved by many, and captured the soccer world’s heart for a few weeks. And now he’s dead.

Paul was found dead in his tank (or as they call them in Germany, “panzer”) yesterday. Dying of what appear to be natural causes. Let us not forget that Paul had enemies. He pissed off the Germans–usually a bad move–when he correctly predicted their loss to Spain, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he was a symbol of the evil West’s obsession with superstition, and well, there’s The Guys.

Yeah, we think it was Iran, too.

Iran catches up with 1957 USSR

SeriouslyLadies and Gentlemen, we have a tie for Picture of the Day and Headline of the Day, courtesy of crazy Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the confused British writers at The Guardian.

When asked about his 3D glasses, the little guy replied, “I’m glad you asked tha–Holy crap! My hand looks like it’s going to touch my face!

When his hand did, in fact, touch his face, he was startled, but quickly regained composure.

Image: “Old Tin Toy” by Louise Docker