All mammals take the same amount of time to poop

There are a lot of differences between humans and other mammals. For example, we’re smarter, we have souls, and we don’t create memes anthropomorphizing humans. But apparently we all take the same amount of time to poop.

According to researchers, pretty much all mammals take 12 seconds or so to empty their bowels. It doesn’t even really matter what size of an animal you’re comparing. A mouse might take 12 seconds to get its relatively small amount of feces out, and a whale would take just as long because it is able to expel higher volume of waste at a faster rate. Maybe we’re not so different after all.

And to the women thinking, “Then why does my husband spend an hour in the bathroom?” It’s because he’s trying to avoid a woman in life so controlling that she times how long he’s on the can.

Bees kill more people than sharks, but a beeshark would be worse

It’s summer, and that means there are some shark attack stories in the news. It’s good to be ready to fight a shark every time you go in the water, but other animals are far more deadly.

According to statistics on how many they kill a year, the deadliest animals are bees, wasps and hornets, followed closely by mammals except for the third and fourth most deadly, dogs and cows. So basically, if the bees team up with mice, dogs and deer, we’re all doomed.

You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s go extinct on The Discovery Channel

In a fair warning to all of our readers, the animals have located us. Bryan McBournie and I were nearly attacked by a group of three deer heading towards my car just outside of my apartment. Now, we were fortunate enough to stave off the attack, however, it appears that the inevitable hands-on combat will begin shortly.

In related news on the war front, we’re winning the battles, AND the war. A recent study has shown that one in four mammals on the planet are at risk of becoming extinct, while one in two species on the planet are in a decline in population.

So give us your worst, animals. PETA can only protect you for so long.

The threat continues to grow

Animals are out there, we all know that. But despite our best efforts to put the ones we know about into extinction, we seem to keep finding new ones. Zoologists announced they have discovered a new mammal in Tanzania, which this blog thinks is somewhere near Australia.

The mammal is something like a shrew and is unusually large. This is bad news for us. When we discover new species, they are supposed to either be a) tasty or b) smaller than similar types. Larger animals only present larger threats because it gets harder to exterminate them using conventional weapons. To properly deal with this threat, this blog thinks it’s time Tanzania got a good, old-fashioned carpet bombing.

Also, paleontologists announced recently they found the fossils of an ancestor of the crocodile. The dinosaur lived in Brazil, likely because it enjoyed the Carnivale festivals. It had a long snout but lived on land. Luckily, the creature died out long ago and no longer poses a threat to us. Also, it is good to learn as much as you can about your enemy, and that includes its history. Hopefully we will discover some kind of weakness of the crocodile, or at least some really embarrassing dirt.