Keep your friends list close, your blocked list even closer

Have you ever wondered what a “social media guru” or “expert” does? As far as we can tell, they follow random people on Twitter and post links to buzzspeak essays by other (presumably) unemployed “SEO managers.”

Or … they could be The Fuzz!

Police, FBI, Secret Service and even the IRS are infiltrating the MySpace, Facebook and–in extreme cases–the Friendster to find the goods on you. To bypass your security settings, they’re setting up undercover identities, asking to become part of your online menagerie of familiar screen names.

Once they’re in, you’ll probably forget all about them, like that guy you met that one time at that place with the shots served in test tubes. (Quickest abortion turnaround time, yet!) And then they watch for any pictures of illegal activity or status changes that conflict with your alibis.

So, next time you get a friend request, ask them, “Are you a cop?” If they say no, then they’re probably lying because they’re undercover, so you should destroy your computer.

Cards get a big bat (and a little sac)

Everyone knows that the strongest muscle in a coach's arsenal is his biceps.St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa will be back next season, but that’s not all. He’s bringing Mark McGwire on as the Cards’ new batting coach.

Hm, wonder which pharmacy nutritionist will sponsor his lesson plan.

But, seriously, what can he teach these young batters that isn’t already written on the back of the bottle?

And when they’re having trouble, can they trust him to actually tell them the truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be? (The “silent treatment” doesn’t work in America’s quietest pasttime.)