Tag: manatee

Catch a ‘tee and you’re sitting on top of the world

Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez turned herself in, ending one of the shortest manhunts in history. Her crime? The care-free, very slow sport of manatee riding.

Guitierrez was caught on camera, riding a couple of ‘tees at Fort De Soto Park. She says that she is new to the area, so she didn’t know that it’s a violation of the Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act to “annoy, molest, harass, or disturb” them, a law that was originally passed to prosecute sexual harassment cases against pirates.

Folk, do not make Guiterrez’s mistake. Riding manatees, no matter how tempting, is illegal and will possibly give you warts. (They’re a type of frog, right?) By sitting on top of one, you’re preventing boats from hitting Florida’s maritime speed bumps, and unimpeded motorboats are dangerous.

Sea cows would make good moving targets

More than 50 years ago, the U.S. Navy hunted for German U-boats while taking 0n the might of Japanese naval forces. Today, the Navy is going up against another foe: sea animals. We know that the battle between dolphins and whales seems to be won, but what about manatee?

In Florida, the waters off of Pensacola Naval Air Station and near other military bases in the region have long been training grounds for our aviators, submarines, destroyers and cruisers. But now the hippies at the U.S Fish and Wildlife Service want to expand a protected manatee habitat into this area.

Here’s an idea, let the manatee come, lull them into a false sense of security in their new home, then commence with the target practice.