Jimmy Buffett doesn’t spend much time in Margaritaville

Jimmy Buffett, the living embodiment of baby boomers’ idea of a party, seems to have given up on his partying ways. But he still wants you to visit Margaritaville.

According to a recent profile of the guy who built a career off of a song about being drunk in a beach setting, the 71-year-old singer doesn’t really drink anymore. Basically, he’s too old and too busy touring and selling everything he can think to put “Margaritaville” on, to go hard like he used to. (The reason for the profile is his new musical on Broadway.) The timing of his cutting back seems fortuitous, since we’re about to have a tequila shortage.

But he’ll be happy to sell you whatever crap you want, or even let you live out your days in a Margaritaville retirement community.

You Missed It: Turtle head edition

Megan Fox, attempting to act her way out.
Megan Fox, attempting to act her way out.

I realize that every industry wants to have their own fake holiday, but it’s getting a bit excessive. For example, yesterday was National Cherry Pie day. Today is National Margarita Day. Far be it from me to say we shouldn’t have holidays celebrating anything booze related, but who decides these things? Did the National Association of Tequila Distillers form a coalition with Lime Farmers of America to create this? Also, if you drink margaritas in February, and you don’t live on a beach, you have a problem. If you were busy writing your acceptance speech this week, odds are you missed it.

Fox joins the turtles
Remember Michael Bay’s plan to ruin the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, now that he’s more or less finished crapping on the Transformers? Turns out it’s still very much in the works, as Bay announced this week that Megan Fox has been cast as April O’Neil, the turtles’ reporter friend. Bay said he is excited about the project, and that with the help of CGI, Fox will seem almost lifelike on screen.

Change comes slow in the South
With the recent success of Lincoln, which is up for a ton of Oscars this weekend, the 13th Amendment has been enjoying quite a bit of fame. However, the amendment, which banned slavery went without approval from Mississippi until recently. The state legislature never voted on the measure until 1995, and even then, the paperwork wasn’t filed until a professor figured it out a few weeks ago. When the state finally got its act together and ratified the 13th Amendment, they decided to break out the fire hoses just for old time’s sake.

Twitter breaks deal news yet again
It was a rough week on Twitter for a couple companies, after their accounts got hacked. First, Burger King’s account was hacked, sending out tweets that it had been sold to McDonald’s, and a day later, Jeep’s account was posting that it had been sold to Cadillac. Later in the week,  Donald Trump was hacked, too. His followers first realized that it had happened when his tweets began lacking his typical air of douchbaggery.