You may have noticed that this post is filed under Scury ’08. That’s because this story reaches back that far.
You see, Todd S. Purdum wrote a piece on Sarah Palin’s vice presidential candidacy in the August 2009 Vanity Fair. He focused on insider sources about Palin’s political history, including anonymous sources from within the McCain campaign team, about what vapid, attention-whoring rednecks Palin, her family and close associates are.
Well, then Politico told us that Bill Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard (of which it generally falls short) said he knew which aide it was that gave those quotes: Steve Schmidt.
No, not Steve Schmidt from North High who totally cheated on Becky Corngrave with that slut, Becky Rivers–or what we call “The Beckies Incident.” Steve Schmidt, McCain’s campaign manager.
Anyway, Schmidt was all like, “Who said that, Billy Kristol? Didn’t he tardhang with Dan Quayle? McCain’s my bro; I’d never say that. It was Randy Scheunemann.”
That’s right, the same Randy Scheunemann that left summer camp early, saying he had strep, when really it was because he was too stupid to pack any underwear and you could totally see his balls in his shorts. Anyway, he was McCain’s foreign policy adviser and Kristol’s renowned BFF.
Well, when Kristol heard Schmidt made fun of Scheunemann, he called Schmidt out on it, saying he’s a dick and pretended to be friends with Palin at first because she was cool when she was new, and then backstabbed her.
So, Schmidt said he and this hacker friend of his were looking through all the campaign email systems and found a link from “a very senior member to Bill Kristol.”
Scheuenemann confirmed his email had been hacked and called Schmidt “a f%#king Nazi.”
And then, “Schmidt suggested that Scheunemann had fingered Nicole Wallace.” Ew. I know, right?! He’s such a tool!
Oh, but Wallace swears up and down that she didn’t call Palin a diva. Her steady husband, Mark, says the same thing, but Scheunemann says Mark should know “something about divas because he’s [totally] married to a diva.”
So, as you can see, politics is a very serious business, without which our entire nation would fall apart.