Warrior of the Week: Mark Zuckerberg

Like everyone else in the world, we’re a bit paranoid about what Facebook does with all of our information, but we just can’t help uploading our wild pictures from the party the other night. However, Mark Zuckerberg has gained a lot of street cred in our books, recently.

The founder of Facebook is now only eating what he kills. No, really, if he’s going to eat a salami sandwich, he hunts down a wild salami and kills it, before slaughtering it and serving it up. This also means he is personally executing all sorts of animals before he eats them, including a confirmed pig and goat.

Lazy Facebook developers let users write service agreement

If you’re tired of deleting Facebook notices about the latest “Crotchpunch War” from your inbox, then get ready for more spam … from the administrators.

In response to whiny users worried about not owning their Sex in the City quiz results, Facebook has caved, posting all service agreement changes on their site. This will most likely be at the top of your news feed every time Mark Zuckerberg’s lawyer finds more ways to bleed an aging Web site dry.

If the proposed change receives 7,000 comments (“protest” groups don’t count), then the measure will be put to a vote. 30 percent of all users (or about 53 million people) must vote to affect the change. The AP story does not mention what happens in the event of a tie, but we’d like to think it involves counting friends.

So, if that’s the way it’s gonna be now — since Facebook admins are too scared to run their own site — The Guys have a few new service agreement terms we’d like to see:

  1. Please allow breastfeeding pictures. Motherhood is so hot.
  2. Allow us to carry our concealed weapons while using Facebook. The Internet’s a scary place, is all.
  3. If a werewolf user bites a vampire user, we want that user to die. The real vampire vs. werewolf war should be depicted seriously, for it is a serious subject. If bitten, no more profile; they’re dead to Facebook. They can go to MySpace for all we care. And no, they can’t come back as a zombie. Them’s the occult rules.