Ladies need to keep up

Ladies, if you’ve ever wondered why men finish so much faster when it comes to mating, science finally has an answer: “Sex kills.”

That answer comes from Stefan Grief of the Max Planck Institute for Ornithology in Seewiesen, Germany, whose team studied bats that hone in on mating flies for buffet-style dining. At night, the flies hang out on the ceilings of barns, which makes them undetectable to bats. But, when the mood strikes, the flies become loud with passion, broadcasting their location.

This, along with other studies, prove that a number of species are at greater risk of predation during mating as the male is weakened and distracted while thinking of dead puppies so that you can finish, ladies. So, maybe the next time your man finishes too quickly, you should thank him. What if there was a bear nearby?

If pandas can’t get laid, what chance do we got?

After years of trying to get pandas to get it on in captivity to mixed results, researchers believe they’ve found the problem: female panda bears are only in the mood one to three days a year.

To cope, male pandas’ testes go into hibernation until the four month mating period. At that point, they go sex nuts and, in the wild, traverse over great distances to hopefully reach a female before she changes her mind. The male can then instantly sense if she’s consenting, and, if she’s not, will hold off advances until he gets a “yes.”

If The Guys could offer a suggestion to the male, it might not be that she’s not into sex, but just disappointed in what showed up. (You, for instance.) Sometimes, you have to woo a lady, show that while you may not be a strapping grizzly she normally goes for, you’ve got qualities that she never knew she wanted. Also, nobody ever went wrong with Al Green.

And you thought the 70s were hairy …

Gym rats: no matter how hard you work out, the world’s most dangerous exercise is long extinct. Having sex with Neanderthals and Denisovans made your ancestors stronger, so long as it didn’t kill them.