You Missed It: Red eye edition

His heart burns for you as much as his eyes burn in general.
His heart burns for you as much as his eyes burn in general.

It’s February, that means that your single friends won’t stop complaining about being single, and your friends in relationships keep posting stupid stuff on Facebook. February is known for some bad movie releases, but around Valentine’s Day it gets even worse. This year, we’ve got Winter’s Tale, which from the previews, it’s about a time-traveling Irishman and a redhead who keeps taking her clothes off in a PG-13 movie. Then there’s Endless Love, which is apparently about a love without an end, and no famous people. It’s also about teens, so high school girls will probably love it. Smart money is that the male lead dies at the end. If you were busy watching your Corvettes get sucked into a sinkhole this week, odds are you missed it.

Bob Costas scratched from Olympics
Bob Costas has a pretty sweet gig. First off, he covers sports, the easiest news-related job in the world. Secondly, he covers one NFL game a week for a few weeks a year, plus the odd horse race or golf tournament. Every couple years, he’s the guy you go to for the Olympics. But this year, he’s recovering from some kind of double eye infection–during his big event. Trooper that he is, Costas hosted for the first few nights of the games, not even doing shots on the air would fix it. He had to step out Wednesday, only to be replaced by Matt Lauer, NBC’s guy with a functioning voice on their morning show. Next up, is … Meredith Vieira. Get well soon, Bob.

The military is now more accepting than the NFL
Missouri defensive end Michael Sam came out this week. (Side note, does anyone one say “came out of the closet” anymore? Did we stop doing that?) He told the New York Times that he’s gay, and unsurprisingly, the NFL all of sudden lost interest in drafting him. They said he would be a distraction in the locker room, as they do any time anything happens off the field, like every player on every team has ADHD or something. Rapists, abusers, drunk drivers, dopers and murderers aren’t distractions, but being gay is. They must think he’s going to wear shiny things on his clothes.

Not official until it’s on Facebook
Fresh off of celebrating 10 years of existence, Facebook introduced a landmark update this week. Users can now select from more than one gender. Facebook now allows selections of “male,” “female” and “it’s complicated.”

Obama’s search for perfect ass

With today’s headlines about President Barack Obama, it may be a good idea to hide your puppies.

The President worked out his rage as most people do, with Matt Lauer, concerning the BP oil leak; BP’s CEO, Tony Hayward and the idea that he hasn’t blown up an oil rig off the coast of England with “Fat” Tony stuck inside.

President Obama justified his meetings with experts, saying that it takes a committee to nominate names and assess asses before an ass can be kicked. He added, “This seems to work pretty well for the Pentagon.”

In the meantime, Hayward is still very much physically unharmed by any and all able-bodied U.S. politicians.