Tag: mcdonald’s

‘No McNuggets? #### you, I’m calling the cops’

If your daily emergency includes having to call a 911 operator three times because your area McDonald’s is out of chicken nuggets, perhaps your priorities are not in order. Or, maybe a Florida woman was just trying to report the Hamburglar to police after she was informed that she would have to order something else off the menu.

McDonald’s sent Latreasa Goodman (Seriously, take a look at the mugshot and try to picture the argument!) a refund and a voucher for her McNuggets order that was unfortunately not able to be processed.

Ba-da ba ba ba … I’m calling the cops on your ass!

Scientists cocky about emerging intragalactic war

Scientists all over the Earth hypothesize and are conducting experiments to find life elsewhere in the galaxy; that we knew already.

What we didn’t already know is that several of them believe that it is entirely possible that there is life elsewhere in our own corner of the Milky Way galaxy, and that some of it might be intelligent.

Using a computer model, one group has recreated our galaxy and then studied how life may have started and evolved. Even by introducing species-ending disasters like asteroids and McDonald’s, at least 361 intelligent species evolved anyway.

So, our counteroffensive in the War on Aliens might just be closer than we expected. Set your probes for “violate,” and let’s move out!

Forethought is the mother of accidental porn

Good idea: Keeping a hold on your phone, especially if you’re grabbing fast food and it has a camera on it. An Arkansas couple ended up as accidental porn-stars after losing a phone at McDonald’s. Now they want to end up as accidental millionaires.

Better idea: Just opt to not eat at McDonald’s.Ever.

Over 23,000 served

You think you’re loving it? Don Gorske of Wisconsin has eaten over 23,000 Big Macs since the burger’s inception way back in the olden days of 1972. Gorske, an unfathomable 185 pounds has claimed to eating two Big Macs and two parfaits per day. Ah yes, nothing quite symbolizes Americanism like scarfing down processed meat covered in thousand island dressing, then washing it all down with a silly French word.

The last place we’d look

… Or so that chicken thought!

That’s right: an elusive character in the War on Animals, a chicken, tried to hide out in a McDonald’s. She allegedly chose the fast food franchise as their hideout since they don’t really serve chicken in their nuggets, sandwiches or Fried Chicken McSundaes. However, she wore out her protectors’ patience by interfering in drive-“thru” transactions.

In response to their pleas for help, we’ve nabbed her. She will be held indefinitely until the Colonel conducts her military tribunal.

For those of you playing along at home, we’ve eliminated the Four of Clubs in the War on Animals’ Speak and Spell No Evil Deck of Most Wanted Enemy Combatants (or WoASSNEDMWEC). This card is now a wild card in any deck and, when played, grants the player to pass out 200 drinks to the other players.

Warrior of the Week

As most Spanish people and rodeo clowns can tell you, bulls are not the friendliest of creatures. In fact, they can be downright ornery. A 75-year-old Tennessee man found this out when he was feeding a bull on his son’s farm and it attacked him (the bull, not the farm).

As the bull was set to trample the man to death, his 13-year-old grandson, who happened to be driving a truck on the farm at the time, saw what was happening and attacked the bull with the truck, saving his grandfather. Sadly, it sounds like the bull was not killed in the accident, and therefore will not be coming to a McDonald’s near you.