According to a story in the New York Times, grape juice has many of the same health benefits as wine (story after the ad). Now you maybe be asking yourself, “Hey! They said drinking wine was good for you, so why are they celebrating the fact that one can get similar health benefits from grape juice?”
Simple, dear reader: Wine sucks.
Sure, the ladies like it, and it is sometimes also Jesus’ blood, but if you think about it, wine is one of the lamest forms of alcohol out there. It colors your teeth, it makes you tired before it makes you drunk, and you are almost certain to have a headache in the morning, regardless of how little you drink. Worst of all, wine has an element of elitism not found anywhere else in all of Boozedom.
Some may see this as a blow to the argument that drinking can be good for you. Not the health buffs here at SG. We believe that this is some of the best news possible. Now you can cast aside your corkscrew and get the health benefits you really want from grape juice, which conveniently mixes well with vodka. This means that not only can you start feeling better, but you can also get crocked for less and with something you actually enjoy drinking.
The Guys suggest our own creation:
- Two parts vodka
- One part grape juice
- One part Sprite
- Served on the rocks in as large a glass as possible, garnish of choice is optional. Remember, eating fruit is healthy.
Here at SeriouslyGuys, we care about our readers’ health, mostly because there are so few of them and we can’t afford to lose any. With that touching thought in mind, we have two important pieces of medical advice for you today:
Did you know that metal objects, while they may be tasty treats, can actually be bad for you? It’s true! While an excellent source of iron (HAR!), assorted metal objects can be harmful to one’s tummy. Doctors in Peru recently announced this medical breakthrough after removing knives, nails, screws, a watch, some barbed wire and other scrumptious shiny objects from a man’s stomach. Also bad for you: standing near a magnet after eating a meal like that.
Lasers are bad, too–not to eat, that’s perfectly fine. But it turns out lasers may not be good for your eyes, so stop staring at your optic mouse right now! Some ravers in Moscow are now partially blind because the laser show burned their retinas (retinae?), which, this blog understands, is not a good thing. However, listening to loud electronic music while on illicit substances is A-OK, kids!
For more expert advice, be sure to turn your head and cough for Dr. Snee.
Dear Dr. Snee,
I have a 12-year-old son who has recently started spending a lot of time in the bathroom. A lot of time. When I ask him what he’s doing, he refuses to look me in the eye and says that he “was just, you know, going to the bathroom.” As a mother, I’d like to believe him, but what kind of kid goes to the bathroom three times in one hour?! What should I do?
12-years-old, eh? Inordinate amount of time in the bathroom, you say? No complete sentences in this medical advice column yet? Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: A pregnant pause
Remember lunch time as kid, when your parents would tell you to eat the crust of your sandwich, because it was “good for your teeth?” Or how about when they told you an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Or the so-called experts, who can’t decide if eggs are good or bad for you? What a bunch of crap you’ve been fed all your life.
Now it’s time to set the record straight. Here are some simple tips to help you stay healthy and save money from expensive visits to the doctor’s office. Here’s how to stay healthy. Continue reading How To: Stay healthy