Tag: men

Your tax dollars at work-over and over and over

There can be some really long hours logged on by the SEC in their attempt to bring justice against that jerk Bernie Madoff. Really, really long hours. And well, sometimes the edge needs to be taken off.

So, it should be no surprise that copious (which is putting it lightly) amounts of hours were spent by some SEC employees looking at porn-at work.

Though there is one nugget of information that needs to be known:

Another accountant — a woman — attempted to explicit websites 1,800 times in a fortnight. She was found to have 600 pornographic images on her computer hard drive

Label me with whatever nasty term you’d like, I don’t care. This. Is. Awesome.

Seriously kids, this is one utterly hilarious story that you need to be laughing at, lest your mind split into two when you think about it.

We’ll cure that four hour erection now

The pharmaceuticals industry has changed the way we view old age. Old men used to be creepy; now they’re creepy with boners.

As a result of Generation Viagra, women have fallen behind. While the average 55-year-old woman can remain sexually active for an additional 11 years, the average 55-year-old clinically-induced chubbie will continue to hump her leg until the undertaker forcibly restrains him.

If you thought that was bad enough, the fastest growing age group with STDs are the elderly. (Your grandmother apparently prefers to “ride bareback.”)

So, think about that next time you’re visiting older relatives.

Funny guys get girls?

Here’s some news: women say they like guys who can make them laugh.  That is pretty much the same thing they have been saying for decades. But, a new study done in England confirms it once again. Women think they are attracted to a guy who is funny. This is another example of women having no idea what they are talking about.

Of course, funny guys know better. Sure, being able to make a girl laugh is a plus, but that ability in itself is not what makes girls get all squirmy. If that were true, I would have girls throwing themselves at me in college. Comedians would be on par with rock stars. Sadly, neither is true. The truth is most girls like guys who appear confident and can make a joke now and then.

In other news, the sky is blue.

Cancer cures put on hold for more research into DUH news

Nothing to see here people. Move right along. Water is still wet. Grass is still green. Balls are still round and men still see women in bikinis as objects. How do we know this?

Because we have a surplus amount of lazy graduate student scientists.

Here’s a way to understand the study: Scarlett Johansson is washing her car in a bikini. Because you’re a dirty pervert, you watch her doing so from her lawn hedge. The purpose of the study is to show the difference between thinking, “Scarlett is washing her car. It must be dirty.” and “Wash that car, Scarlett. Oh yeah! So dirty!”

Basically, they’re saying the first one, you associate a passive activity, and prescribe reason and motivation to why she’s doing something. The second one makes the actions much more directly associated, applies that all motivations are sexual, and involves more dirty words running through your mind.

So, what does this mean? Since science is not actually trying to attempt to solve anything useful, like curing horrible diseases or building me a sweet robot body, henceforth, scientists should only be allowed to study rutabagas. It would be just as productive as what they’re doing now.

Platonic relationships between opposite sexes possible?!

In today’s staggering “Holy S–t, Who Would Have Dreamed It!” news, it appears that there are cases of men and women engaged in non-sexual friendships.

Furthermore, these platonic (from the Greek meaning “neutered”) relationships often trigger negative responses from spouses, sometimes ending in divorce.

Of course, the article points out this doesn’t happen in all cases. For instance, Erica Rabhan, “a 26-year-old public-relations professional from Atlanta,” is OK with her husband’s girlish friend, Tamar, so long as she is able to call her and check up on her.

“‘Some of my friends don’t understand, but it makes me happy that he has someone else that supports him and stands by him,’ Rabhan says. ‘Now [Tamar and I] will get on the phone and gab for hours.'”

Remember, folks, you read it here first.*

*We can’t verify that claim.

The McBournie Minute: Equality and equal treatment are not the same

The other day I heard a commercial on the radio during my morning commute for voteforahange.com, an Obama campaign voter registration and information site. It was basically just a bunch people naming why they were registering to vote (aside from the fact that like Livestrong bracelets in 2004, it’s the in thing now). One of them toward the end of the commercial was a young woman saying “Because I can’t stand living in a world where I make less than a man.”

That statement, and the driver cutting me off, caused me to yell at my dashboard. You see, men make more for a reason, actually, several reasons, and while this statement attacked the unjust practices of the world, let’s focus on just the U.S. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Equality and equal treatment are not the same

The McBournie Minute: Catcalling is demeaning to men

As most men can tell you, now that it is getting warmer, women are wearing less clothing. Their uncovered legs and shoulders bring out primal urges in men that date back to prehistoric times when cavewomen would wear skimpier furs in the summer months. “Ooga booga,” the cavemen would say to passing cavewomen. This was because no one had yet learned how to whistle.

Yet today, the very same urge still resides in men, at least if you ask a few women who sound kind of angry about it. Apparently, catcalling is not OK. This came as a shock to me when I heard the news, not that it was not OK, that people still catcall. In my time on this planet, I have never been a construction worker nor have I ever been a vagabond, so I have never felt the need to yell anything to strange women. Even in my formative days, I was never one to honk at women I passed by, whether out of courtesy or slow reflexes. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Catcalling is demeaning to men

Friday morning eye opener

Good morning, Internet. This blog has seen its fair share of those random text-based ads you see on web pages, e-mail messages and search engines. Sometimes they are interesting, most of the time they are irrelevant (except, of course, for any of our advertisers), but sometimes they can be shocking.

Recently, this blog came across a Web site called DateACougar.com (link may not be SFW, but there is no nudity) and we were shocked! How could anyone even think of dating a ferocious animal like a cougar cougar? Last time we checked, cougars are animals and we happen to be at war with animals!

Nevertheless, for some reason this site seems to be popular with women in their 40s and 50s, as well as younger men. One can choose to search through profiles to find a man, a cougar or a couple (of humans, we assume). This is just sick!

Remember folks, just because she may have a pretty smile, wag her tail and even purr when you walk in the room does not make it OK to date outside of your species–no matter how luscious those felines may look!

The end of French men?

Ever notice how much we write about studies? Well, so long as they reveal things like “French women ‘are the sexual predators now,'” we’re gonna bring them to your attention.

Not only have French women become more sexually aggressive, but the men are calling the whole thing off: one-in-five young French men have “no interest in sex.” Things will reach critical mass very soon as 90% of those women remain sexually active after turning 50.

Unless the men start appreciating French women again, this will not end well for them.