Nerd dreams come true

Despite the past few years of Bill Gates and Steve Jobs running our lives, the “geek culture” takeover has been grossly overestimated. Virgins still go to college, LARPers keep their cloaks in their backpacks and nobody plays Mario Party until they’re drunk and inhibitions are down.

But, that doesn’t mean you’ll always be a loser, you geek. Your moment to shine is out there waiting for you, and Terry Herbert (who, as an Englishman, may or may not be a hobbit) is living proof.

While indulging in his metal detecting hobby out in a rural English farm field, he uncovered the world’s largest trove of Anglo-Saxon gold. The pieces are mostly military armor parts and bear Christian symbols and Biblical passages.

Herbert will split the monetary value of the find with the farmer, but his real reward is that he finally has an awesome response when hecklers ask if he’s found anything with his metal detector yet.

New airport scanner spurs quaint privacy complaints

There's nothing intimidating about walking through a X-ray machine with your hands behind your head.Stick-in-the-mud organizations like the Electronic Privacy Information Center, the Privacy Coalition and the American Civil Liberties Union are concerned about new airport security scanners that image your body under your clothes to detect metal objects and liquids.

They call this a “virtual strip search,” which would replace the traditional metal detector walkthrough and follow-up groin massage.

(This thought in itself is disturbing as we look forward to our pre-flight happy ending that calms our jitters. Fortunately, there’s still booze.)

Clearly, these “civil liberties” organizations are a bunch of prudes trying to conceal our bodies. In an age of constant twitter updates, breastfeeding photos on Facebook and amateur porn stars on BangBus, who are these ludites to speak for us?

We’re gonna be stars, dammit, and that’s why we don’t wear underwear.