Swine Flu Madness!

Either way, the tummy ache is worth it.

Just a reminder: while only one person in the U.S. has died of swine flu, over 13,000 died from the regular-ass flu this year.

This message is brought to you by Purell.

UPDATE:
Ice cream cured patient zero
, a little boy in Mexico.

This message is brought to you by Ben and Jerry’s Neato-Burrito flavored ice cream, now approved by the AMA.

We’re going to Cancun for senior week!

Sure, Mexico City is the biggest city in the Western Hemisphere, it’s dirty, the air’s bad, the water isn’t safe to drink, the power goes out now and then for no reason and it’s overpopulated, but damn if the senior citizens aren’t happy!

As reported by our sister site, HombresSeriamentes.com, Mexico City is giving out free Viagra, Levitra and Cialis to its senior (or is it “señor?”) citizens. The theory behind this is that sex is important to one’s wellbeing. Just ask our very own Rick Snee, who is now as healthy as a horse. (Note: Eight Belles was healthy as a horse at Belmont before she ended up breaking her ankles and getting euthanized on the track.)

Not only will this mean old people could need less medical treatment (aside from a broken hip), but it means the men will probably not need canes anymore.

The laws are strange south of the border

More from HombresSeriamentes.com, while the Mexican Navy (who knew they had one?) is helping us fight the good fight, not all of Mexico is behind la guerra a los animales.

“Blacky” the burro has been released from jail serving just three days of its sentence, after being tried and convicted of assault in battery (on humans) and found guilty in a court of law. This blog is outraged at this miscarriage of justice. This sets a terrible example for animals, and suggests that they are above the law because they aren’t humans.

We say, if they are not humans, they can certainly be tried as enemy combatants.

Warriors of the Week: The Mexican Navy

In our ongoing coverage of summer, we’ve learned from our hermana site, HombresSeriementes, that the Mexican Navy is hunting sharks.

The current campaign involves three boats, a helicopter and spotters on the beach. It is a retaliatory strike after sharks killed two swimmers and maimed another on the Pacific Coast.

How serious are the Mexicans? “‘We’ve done reconnaissance flights,’ [said] Rear Adm. Arturo Bernal.” That’s right: top brass are on this mission.

It makes you wonder how the United States Navy can just sit back at their bases while the enemy draws silently to our beaches — circling, waiting — when the Mexicans are taking action. One thing is certain: you can’t call them Mexidon’ts.

Los americanos no lo tienen fácil.

We all like booze. It makes the world go round. It goes yum-yum in my tummy. It even has hilarious ads (for reference purposes, see Patton Oswald’s rant regarding Dewars). Of course, there are times when sometimes, the ads are just offensive. This is not one of those times.

Swedish vodka maker Absolut has come up with a new ad depicting a “what if?” scenario involving what the United States of America had the U.S. lost the Mexican-American War of 1848. Apparently, this is ruffling a few feathers. Who would’ve guessed? I certainly wouldn’t have. In leaps of logics similar to people decrying Guitar Hero 3 for facing against the devil, some American citizens, even a forum of news channel, are calling for boycotts of the brand. Apparently, ads are funny until they’re not pro-United States. And even if those ads are in other countries, we should still have a say in them. How dare they!

Calm down and stop getting so worked up over this, people. It’s just an ad. Absolut was simply targeting the appeal to a specific country. That’s it. No harm, no foul. Besides, what else kind of vodka are you actually going to drink? Aristocrat? Smirnoff? The bathtub gin special?

(Courtesy of Adrienne S.)

Thanks a heap, Mexico

Great, now emo kids have something else to cry about.

WARNING: The preceding link is not for the faint of heart.  Not since the last Dashboard Confessional tour has so much concentrated emo been recorded on a camera.

The surprising part, though, isn’t that the rockabilly, punk and metalhead teens are beating the eye-liner out of them.  No, it’s that the emo kids aren’t fighing back at all–just staging demonstrations.

OK, so they can fight vampires, but not Brian Setzer, the skinny corpse of Sid Vicious and Metallica?  Lame.

The battle for Mexico’s ‘heritage’

Like The Guys, many Mexicans were muy triste y furioso at the news of their country’s oldest cantina shutting its doors. For those of you who didn’t know, after 150 years in service, El Nivel was basically kicked out by National Autonomous University of Mexico, who wanted the land.

Angry Mexicans and all-around drunk guys, or hombres borrachos, gathered on Tuesday to protest the closure. The protesters plan to petition the university and then the government to save the cantina because it is a “cultural and drinking heritage site.”

Ah yes, drinking heritage. Being the great-grandson of Irish immigrants, I remember when my father sat me down as a child and handed me my first glass of whisky. He told me, “Son, this is your heritage. When you drink this, you must always ramble on about the evil English and pick a fight with the nearest person or coat rack.”

(Note: This story is also being covered on our Spanish-language sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com)