A couple is happy until one starts drinking too much, and before long, the relationship is over. It’s a well-known tale — at least in prairie vole circles.
According to a new study, prairie voles (picture morbidly obese field mice) don’t end up staying together if they don’t drink about the same amount of alcohol. Voles have life-long monogamous relationships, but alcohol can get in the way. The more alcohol a male vole drinks, the more likely he is to go find another female to mate with, while the more of a lush the female vole, the more likely she is to stay with her original mate.
Researchers determined this by monitoring voles’ alcohol intake, and listening to them drunkenly ramble on about how their wives just don’t understand them.
Despite a nearly ruined Olympics and a tragic microcephaly outbreak in infants born to infected mothers, Zika really didn’t reach West Nile-level panic here in the U.S. Especially now that we’re approaching winter, where our mosquitos f*ck off until June or so. Well, we were wrong to brush it off, and it looks like Zika’s about to get Viagra-level funding for the foreseeable future now that we know that it can shrink our balls.
Well, technically, it shrinks the testicles of male mice by 90 percent — which is already a feat considering it takes at least twenty mice scrotums to make one Mickey Mouse shot.* But, still: the implication exists!
So, thank you science and an ex-handful of mice. You made Zika matter.
*Forty mouse testes poured into a shot glass with scotch.
Of course, if the treatment works on humans, then you know what’ll happen next: the Viagra effect. Younger and younger men will pay for transfusions from even younger men until everyone’s running the 40 like a baby. We won’t be able to make new mazes fast enough.
… he’ll probably wonder why it smells like the first thing to ever overdose on Tylenol.
Frequent readers know that we are at war with animals everywhere. But there’s only one spot in the world where the War on Animals is an actual Syfy original movie: Guam. The teeny-tiny island nation is so overrun with brown tree snakes that they’ve wiped out nearly all — no, really: ALL — native bird species. They’re also somewhat poisonous and have attacked pets and children. And because they were introduced by accident through military cargo flights, there are no native predators to thin their numbers naturally.
It’s winter time in Australia. Right now, Aussies are probably going to holiday parties and singing carols in the streets, then comparing knives. We don’t picture there being much else to do this Australian holiday season.
That’s why it doesn’t come as a shock that a man from down under reports that he has taught mice to skateboard on a little ramp. Some might raise alarm to this development, after all, doesn’t this mean the mice can teach others, becoming one step closer to humans?
The snake. It’s not normally an alpha predator, but in the right ecosystem, it has an untouched reign as king. The ones that have venom are even more powerful in their world, as not many creatures can readily top a poisonous animal.
While it’s better to have a Valentine than to be one of those sad sacks crying into their white wine on Single Awareness Day, that’s not to say that having one doesn’t come with its own problems. The most frustrating aspect has to be going out in February. Even in the most temperate U.S. climates, there’s a good chance you’ll have to surrender your jacket.
Fortunately, this may be the last year you’ll ever have to do that, thanks to your wing man: science!
Neuroscientists at the University of Southern California “turned off” the sensation of feeling cold in mice by isolating and cutting off the neurons that express a protein named TRPM8. The mice with TRPM8 avoided areas in the experiment area that were too hot and too cold, while the mice without TRPM8 wore shorts while waiting in line for concert tickets outside, talking about how this weather was nothing because they’re from Michigan.
Right now, the treatment is irreversible, so the next step is to develop a temporary effects pill that you can slip into her drink. And, if that fails, we can just wait until climate change takes full effect.
You know, we keep hearing about all these great things science was supposed to do for us, but it sure seems like it’s fallen short in recent years. Personal jetpacks, flying cars and exterminating everyone over 30 are all now 13 years overdue. Basically, thanks for the microwave ovens, scientists, but what have you done for us lately?
Well, science delivered, and it delivered big. Get ready for slimmer, sexier mice, because doctors at Louisiana State University have found the secret to exercise- and diet-free weight loss.
LSU researchers injected mice that they had fattened up with amlexanox, a drug normally used to treat canker sores in humans. The mice lost the weight through increased metabolism, not by moving around more or eating less. Once off the drug, the mice gained the weight back, but it was too late for their young, sexy new spouses to dump them.
The next step is to test this treatment on obese humans, who look forward to getting that wheel out of their living rooms.