A not-so-Super Sunday

Why, hello there, reader. Big plans for the weekend? Well, before you let the crazy train leave suburban station, there are a couple of things you need to be aware of.

First, the U.S. House of Representatives would prefer it if you didn’t spend your welfare check on strippers. They passed a bill that “would bar welfare recipients from spending their benefits in strip clubs and casinos,” saying that kind of behavior is better paid through Republican donor parties.

And if that wasn’t weird enough, guess who’s going after child sex trafficking? No, the Catholic Church. (I know, right?) A team of nuns have alerted over 200 hotels in the Indianapolis area so they’ll know what child sex looks like for the Super Bowl. Nobody’s sure why the Super Bowl would be a banner day for pederasty — maybe because nothing sets the mood like the Puppy Bowl — but, it looks like we’re gonna have to settle for nachos and beer this year.

NEWSFLASH: Michael Steele half-right

Michael Steele has had a rough year as chairman of the Republican National Committee, a job that is normally faceless in the media … unless your party is intentionally touting you in the public eye to look “totally not racist.” (Seriously, try to name his predecessor without resorting to Google or Wikipedia.)

As a direct result of this situation, he’s been a punching bag for mostly his own party, making him effectively the Donovan McNabb of Republican politics. Every other week, he’s been almost fired or admonished like he left a wax build-up on Judge Smail’s golf shoes.

So, when a viewer of ABC’s Good Morning America asked the $50 million question, Steele responded that, yes, he does have “a smaller margin for error because he is African American.”

Unfortunately, he didn’t finish that thought to make it completely correct: wouldn’t it be nice if all politicians were held to the standard that the black ones are? That every spending incongruity over $2000 were investigated with as much zeal? That every ill-planned trip to Hawaii be reconsidered? That any time a politician steps in it, their future in politics is questioned?

You Missed It: Kiss my white ass edition

It’s March! That means we must be close to spring or something. The good news is that it just sounds better to say, it’s March. It sounds like things are much better than dark, dreary February. Some of you may be excited purely because March means March Madness. Well, don’t look for any college basketball coverage here. We tend to stick to the binge drinking that March is also known for. If you were busy playing in a meaningless international baseball tournament this week, odds are you missed it.

Off to a great start changing the face of the GOP
The newly-crowned RNC Chairman Michael Steele caused some controversy when he called AM radio pundit Rush Limbaugh an “entertainer” who is known to say inflammatory things. Limbaugh of course took exception to this, and did so on his radio show, which is also televised, for the entertainment of his fans and their “mega dittos.” Steele apologized this week. Limbaugh accepted, and then went back to making inflammatory statements like how he hopes the president fails.

But why does the funny guy get whacked?
Watchmen was released in theaters, amid much hype and fanfare. The movie, based on a famous really long comic book graphic novel, has been heavily anticipated since last summer or something. Rick and Chugs held hands in the movie theater together, but did not stick around afterward, claiming they had to clean up a bit. The film opened up to mixed reviews, ranging from “It was just like the book” to “Good god was that long!”

Jacko is still whacko but he’s backo
Michael Jackson announced that he would be performing 10 final shows this summer in London. The shows are expected to sell out what he calls his “I Need This To Pay My Court Fines” tour. He said he chose London for his venue because he is really looking forward to visiting Hogwarts. (What? You expected something non-child related in a Jackson story?)