Eat My Sports: NFL predictions edition

Bust out your Michael Vick jersey, a case of Miller Lite and prepare to gain 20 pounds, IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON! How will it all pan out? So glad you asked. My sports knowledge and ability to guestimate gives you predictions for every division, team and eventual playoff outcomes. Let’s ride.

NFC East

The NFC East was supposed to be the new “it” divisions last year, shortly before it lived up to expectations in 2008 the way Angelina Jolie tanked in Changeling. Now in 2009 the East is down to one good team, two teams that got rid of egomaniacal receivers, and the Redskins. Don’t be surprised when this team yields only one playoff bid this year.

The Call: Philadelphia Eagles 12-4

The Rest: New York Giants 9-7, Dallas Cowboys 8-8, Washington Redskins 5-11

NFC South

Another pretender division that choked like a British nanny as the weather got colder. Yes, I predicted the Saints to go to the Super Bowl last year, but injuries and NO DEFENSE prevented that. This year you have an aging Carolina squad, New Orleans’ offense, a terrible Tampa team and an Atlanta franchise that will probably get a second year hangover from Matt Ryan, I mean he is still only a year out of college, hangovers happen my friend. The bottom line is you could make an argument for any of these teams, simply because the division is so bad. So pick the least heinous person to make out with at this party, because this one isn’t pretty.

The call: Atlanta Falcons 10-6,

The rest: New Orleans Saints 8-8, Carolina Panthers 7-9, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 6-10 Continue reading Eat My Sports: NFL predictions edition

You Missed It: Ethics of steel edition

Sooooo, how are things? Yeah? How’s work going for you? That’s cool. Me? Eh, things are slowing down, you know how it is …. Yeah, well, um …. I should get going, but it was great running into you like this. Oh, one other thing. If you were busy downloading peephole videos of sports reporters this week, odds are you missed it.

But enough about that, let’s talk about important things, like Michael Vick being freed
Did you hear that Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was accused with sexual assault this week? If you did, you did not hear about it from ESPN, who remained eerily quiet on the topic. The story broke earily in the week, when a worker at a Nevada casino filed a civil suit, saying that Big Ben called her up to fix his television, then, well, you know. The point here is that until last night, ESPN was not talking about it. Yes the “Worldwide Leader in Sports” was mum on the quarterback of the reigning Super Bowl champs being charged in a civl case with probably the most career ending charge, other than murder. We don’t want to offend toothless Ben, after all.

The Eagle has landed and provided us with news in a dry week
Forty years ago this week, man walked on the moon for the first time. It’s the kind of thing that makes you stop and pause. Or, if you’re the media, it’s the kind of thing that makes you cover the story from about every conceivable angle. Did you know that Neil Armstong is very reclusive regarding his fame? Did you know that Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin legally changed his name to Buzz in 1988? Did you know that the astronauts had to go through customs when they came back to Earth? It’s all true. Now, let’s move onto talking about the long bureaucratic process the Apollo program took, or President John F. Kennedy’s famous speech, or ….

Put him altogether, then take him all apart
Michael Jackson’s nose. It’s been the butt of jokes, the subject of wonder, and quite possible the target of a surgery or two over the years. However, it seems now that the King of Pop’s nose is missing! Reports are that while his body was in the morgue, witnesses said the nose was not on his face while he was on the autopsy table. Don’t worry, everyone. Inspired by Mister Potato Head he had 16 different, changeable noses, from the skinny and pointed looking to the downright elven.

Eat My Sports: Every Vick has its day

A lot of you were on the Michael Vick-hating bandwagon two years ago. I know, because I was one of you. It was easy to despise the man for organizing the dog fighting ring, and killing the animals the way that he did. What Vick did was inexcusable, and he deserved everything that he got.

For me, it was a little bit easier to turn on Vick. I never liked him. His arrogance and brashness never came across as confidence, they came across as selfish pride to a man that believed he was entitled to everything he was given. Now that all of that has been taken away from him, it is easy for me to be on his side. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Every Vick has its day

Whatever happened to Ron Mexico?

Move over Michael Vick, the NFL has a new Mexican-themed nickname, and it’s aimed right at New York Jets’ pretty boy Mark Sanchez. Props to The New York Post for this headline and ensuing mockery of their new star quarterback. But hey, at least there aren’t any photos of New York athletes making out with themselves

Please, won’t someone think of the kittens?

In other Virginia Tech related news, Michael Vick is back!

And apparently, the group that he wants to know this bit of news just doesn’t care.

PETA, the terrorists group that just won’t stop, would like a new ad. Apparently, it’s been about two months or so since they did debuted their last one. Their choice for the ad? Michael Vick.

Yeah, that Michael Vick.

It’s your classic tale of quid pro quo. Vick gives PETA their ad, PETA endorses Vick’s return to the NFL, it’s how the world works. Welllllll, someone in their marketing department just remembered who he was. Now, PETA is saying no. Actually, they’re saying more than just no. They’re also saying that Vick should be given a psychiatric evaluation.

The gross irony of the situation?

Daphna Nachminovitch, with PETA said, “We’re not interested in being part of a cynical ploy that’s nothing but public relations.”

Because with pamphlets with titles like “Your Mommy Kills Animals!”, their main concern is clearly not public awareness, but public relations.