Tag: Michele Bachmann

The Iowa Republican Caucus Results

The results from the Iowa Republican Caucus are in!

1. Mitt Romney won with 24.6 percent of the vote, proving that you get more bees with vanilla because you never know which bees are allergic to nuts.

2. Rick S@ntorum (SFW spelling) came in a close second, but he’s the only candidate of the top three to not make the Virginia primary ballot. This could spell trouble due to the state’s longstanding policy of existing “for lovers, just — you know — not like that.”

3. Ron Paul finished third, only three percentage points behind the two leaders. He celebrated by throwing another ghost writer under the bus.

4. Newt Gingrich leads the bottom of the pack, which Newt explained makes sense since winning votes is not a popularity contest like for “senior class president.” He still plans to score the prom queen’s panties before Nov. 2, though, just to be safe.

5. Rick Perry just barely made it into double digits, which he proudly counted with both hands.

6. Michele Bachmann was last candidate to finish with full percentage points. She has suspended her campaign to harass gays at home.

7. John Huntsman manage to edge out Herman Cain, Buddy Roemer, “meh” and “none of the above” despite skipping Iowa to campaign in New Hampshire.

Results came from Google, courtesy of the AP.

The Audacity of Impersonation

In other Obama related news …

The Republican Leadership Conference was recently held. While we’ll avoid the reference that old white men love having black guys do things for their entertainment, we will point out that a Barack Obama impersonator was hired for the event. That where the similarity to the first part of the previous sentence ends, as the joke may have been lost on more than a few of the attendees.

The impersonator proceeded to mock many of the GOP members hoping the next president, while also poking fun at the roots of the current president (to keep it fair, after all). But apparently, it was just too much to make fun of Michele Bachmann supporting a bunch of racists crazy people the Tea Party. Enough was enough, the mic was cut and the impersonator was given das boot!

Hey, GOP people: SG recommends that you get the guy from the Jerry’s Subs and Pizzas radio ads and utilize the technology that Conan uses. We’d support it.