Tag: michelle bachmann

We call pandas#@t on those numbers

It’s been 10 years, and you all know what that means: it’s time for another panda census in China. Just like here in the U.S., certain elements are afraid to comply with the once-a-decade count, even if an undercount could mean a drop in state support for panda services.

So, what is the Chinese government to do? Does a bear crap in the woods? Unfortunately for paranoid pandas, yes, they do. And China’s gonna count your turds.

In Other News: Anti-census crusader Michelle Bachmann wants you to know that she is not a flake, just a serial killer.

This is, of course, Glenn Beck’s fault

You gotta feel for Sean Hannity. For years, he was everyone’s favorite Fox News host to hate since O’Reilly would–occasionally–prove his independent politics. But, then Glenn Beck moved over from CNN.

Suddenly, waving a flag to match the one on your lapel while asking why liberals are traitors wasn’t crazy enough anymore. Where’s your tears, Sean? Are you too wussy to quake and cry for your homeland? We bet Colmes could blow a snot bubble for the greatest nation on Earth!

What’s a guy to do when he’s losing his ratings to a man who invites America to teaparties? Why, doctor video footage of Michelle Bachmann’s anti-health care rally with footage from a better-attended one to make it look like more than 10,000 people skipped work to protest the laziness of others.