Your doodies will save the economy

Back at the beginning of last month, we told you about a proposal against cursing in public being brought up, potentially to raise funds for the town of Middleborough, Massachusetts.

In a move that surprises no one in these financially-starved days, the proposal has gone through. Thanks to a near landslide vote of 183 to 50, anyone swarthy and sailor-y enough to use vulgarities in public will now be forced to hand over one Andrew Jackson plastered greenback. As to be expected, the ACLU has already taken an interest in the matter.

Booze Team, we can now cross off Middleborough from the list of the next reunion locations.

Economic revitalization, one doody at a time

Poop. Frack. Frick. Doody. Gee whiz. Gosh darn.

Unless you happen to have a lot of Andrew Jacksons in your wallet at all times while you’re in Middleborough, Massachusetts, get used to saying those words rather than their more … salacious cousins. Police Chief Bruce Gates has proposed that 20 dollar tickets be issued to people caught using vulgarities in public as a way to enforce a quality of life and cut back on noise pollution. Friend of the guys Paul Healey has officially been banned from a city.

Crap.

Senior citizen-on-senior citizen crime!

Sometimes, when a story is important enough, you have to find the right source to present it in just the right way; otherwise, you might miss the essential life lesson.

Fortunately, Fox News is on the case!

The Case of Joe Perry and the Rear-ended Motorcycle seemed nigh unsolvable. Why did this happen? Who would hit a beloved American icon (in 1993)? Where did the system go wrong? Will it ever be safe to ride a two-wheeled overpowered vehicle that doctors call a “donorcycle” again?

The Fox answers: it’s the fault of a senior citizen driver.

The 59-year-old lead guitarist of your dad’s favorite band was hit on his motorcycle by a 62-year-old biddy who should have had her licensed seized at least five years ago!