You Missed It: Rise of the machines edition

I’ll be honest with you, folks. I would much rather be outside enjoying my Friday and I’m sure you would, too. In my woods of the neck, or however the kids are saying it these days, it’s over 70 degrees outside. But still, there is work to be done, and there is it to be missed. If you were busy upsetting at the Grammys, odds are you missed it.

I’ll be impressed when it wins ‘American Idol’
IBM’s Watson computer competed against former champs Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter on Jeopardy!, this week, with the computer pretty much winning handily every time. The machine showed the depth of its referential knowledge when it selected “Famous Titties for $500.”

Worst of both worlds
In an interview, Billy Ray Cyrus said he regretted ever introducing his daughter to fame through Hannah Montana, saying that the show ruined his family. Cyrus said that his daughter, Miley, 18, is now potentially in a great deal of danger, and is surrounded by a lot of bad influences in her life. He said he feels powerless as a father to protect her from these dangers. It’s been 19 years since “Achy Breaky Heart” was released, but karma finally made its way back.

IKEA announced that it will be building its own wind farm in Sweden. When completed, the turbines will supply the company with enough energy to supply about 17 of its stores. In keeping with IKEA quality, the turbines will come in boxes with assembly required, and there’s a decent chance they will start falling apart in a few months.

Take it from Snee: We, the world, say enough

Most of the Guys may be a little young to remember 1985-1986, the year when you couldn’t escape “We Are the World.” Well, I had to participate in several performances of it all the way up to 1989. (Some music experts credit elementary schools’ adoration of the song as the progenitor of “Kidz Bop.” Think about that.)

Well, the ghosts of Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie are at it again.

Dozens of “singers”–nearly twice the number of the 1985 recording–have been invited to remake the song, with a few modified lyrics, for Haitian earthquake relief.

You’re probably wondering why I think this charitable work is a bad idea (other than that I’m horrible person who hates everything). I’m glad you kind of asked: Continue reading Take it from Snee: We, the world, say enough

Illness, money problems and Miley Cyrus the search engine that not many people use anymore, released the top ten questions asked of it this year. Shockingly, “How awesome is Bryan McBournie?” was left off the list. Nevertheless, according to my watch, there is still one month left to turn that around. I’m looking to you all out there to help this dream come true.

The questions are:

  1. How much should I weigh?
  2. How do I get out of debt fast?
  3. How do I get pregnant?
  4. What is Twitter?
  5. What is Miley Cyrus’ phone number?
  6. What is the meaning of life?
  7. When will the world end?
  8. How long does marijuana stay in your system?
  9. What are the symptoms of Swine Flu?
  10. What time is it?

Basically, we’re all fat, broke, desperate, confused, pederastic, existentialist, fatalist, reeferheaded, under the weather and somehow unable to see the damn clock that sits on the corner of our screens. Don’t worry, I have the answers here for you. You could stand to lose a few pounds. Sell drugs. You didn’t pay attention in high school, did you? It’s an interesting microblogging site old people call “The Twitter.” I don’t know it, but you know, everybody has those days. Whiskey. Several months, because of a significant half life. Coughing, headache, fever, chills, vomiting, diarrhea, and similar to excessive exposure to Glen Beck. It’s 9 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, now get a watch.

The McBournie Minute: History That Happened in the Past (1990-1999)

For the U.S. the 1990s was a time of relative peace. To borrow from Dickens, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a time of oral sex in executive buildings and clear colas. It was a time of grunge and it was a time of Hanson. It was a time of the wild west Internet and it was a time of Y2K fears.

History looks back on the 1990s as yet another decade of self-indulgence. It marked for many the hastening of corporations to catch on to and exploit new trends with the youth, and it was also when gold rimmed glasses were in fashion (I should know). In comparison to the troubles found before and after it, the 1990s seem almost like a party–a party where you have to wear your pants baggy.

Grab your Tamagotchi and hit the jump. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: History That Happened in the Past (1990-1999)

The McBournie Minute: Pop should represent the populus

There was a time when I considered myself up on all the latest happenings in pop culture. I knew all the big players, all the latest news and gossip, and I knew it all because I could read the celebrity magazine headlines while my mom and I waited to put our groceries on the belt and check out. I was probably seven.

Since then, I can safely say I have focused more on what, rather than who, is cool. I pay attention to certain types of music and certain genres of movies. I watch certain types of shows with certain ads aimed at my demographic. Slowly over the years, it seems I have drifted farther and farther out of contact with what is “fresh,” as the kids say these days. I think.

I realized just recently that basically all of what we define as pop culture is really just what the females of the species find interesting. Let’s run down a few of the latest headlines, shall we? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Pop should represent the populus

If a teenybopper is insulted on Sirius …

Jamie Foxx issued a bizarre apology to Miley Cyrus on Jay Leno last night for comments he made about her last weekend. The apology caught most of the free world — and probably Cyrus — off guard because they were made on his Sirius satellite radio show, The Foxxhole.

Note to Sterling, Virginia readers:
The Foxxhole is not to be confused with gay porn star/former high school wrestling coach Ty Fox’s Lair. But it sounds remarkably similar to be sure. (See you at the reunion, PVHS Class of 1999!)

Jamie Kentucky, also a Part-Time Pop StarThe In Living Color alumnus apologized for a joke where he suggested Cyrus “get like Britney Spears and do some heroin. Do like Lindsay Lohan and start seeing a lesbian and get some crack in your pipe. Catch chlamydia on a bicycle seat.”

Foxx was forced to remind Leno’s audience that, when not winning Oscars as physically- or mentally-impaired black musicians, he is a comedian and will occassionally say things he doesn’t mean, like make fun of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan by advising Cyrus to act like them.

(Yeah, if you learned comedy from the Wayans, you might be confused about punchlines and targets, too.)

He also added, “Had I known Miley is — in fact — Hannah Montana, singing superstar, I never would have made that joke in the first place.”

Two more years, perverts

In creepy calendar news MIley Cyrus celebrated her 16th birthday at Disneyland while the park was shut down. The Hannah Montana (not to be confused with Hannah North Dakota) had the park shut down so Cyrus and roughly 5,000 of her closest friends could celebrate the jail bait’s pop star’s sweet birthday … even though she doesn’t turn 16 until Nov. 23. Cyrus also had her father, Billy Ray, open up for her mini-concert, no word as to whether Goofy was in tears during “Achy Breaky Heart.”

Luckily for Cyrus her parents did not decide to through her birthday bash over at Disneyland’s sister park Disney’s California Adventure. You see, DCA, as we like to call it, was hosting it’s annual Gay Days Anaheim (PS, if your work frowns on visiting gay California sites that even offer specials for gay brunches, best wait until you get home to check this link). Keeping Hollywood and homosexuals in the news together for three weeks running.

You Missed It: Unsung hero edition

We find ourselves here again, at the end of five consecutive work days in a row. For many, this is a cause for celebration. The Guys have no Friday plans in celebration of the end of the week. However, if you are playing in the British Open this week, odds are you missed it.

King of Beers regime change
Anheuser-Busch stockholders and executives approved a $52 billion offer from Belgian-owned brewer-giant InBev on Monday. This prompted concerns of damage to national pride and Americana across the U.S., meanwhile, Budweiser drinkers everywhere asked “What’s a Belgium?”

Insert Smashmouth song title here
Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton put on a clinic in the first round of the MLB Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium, hitting a record 28 long balls, some of which have not yet landed. However, he did not come up with the win in the final round–hey, did you hear he was hooked on drugs until he got cleaned up? The following night’s All-Star game lasted an estimated eternity before the American League won in the 15th when the Minnesota Twins’ Justin Morneau scored on a sac fly. By the way, Morneau won the home run derby.

Great time to buy a home
The federal government is going to bail out colossal mortgage lender FannieMae and Freddie Mac, after an announcement this week. See, this all started when the mortgage market, the housing market and so on starting slowing down and people started defaulting …. Sorry, we dosed off there for a second.

Can anyone stop this abomination?
Miley Cyrus said this week she wants to do a new show that would be along the lines of “Sex and the City,” but cleaner and aimed at children and teens. Right, because four female something-teens, each with their own huge Manhattan apartments, giggling over boys and what’s happening to their bodies while sipping flavored water really holds appeal.

Breaking News: Billy Ray chimes in on Cyrusgate!

The Guys have just received a very urgent report from the Cyrus household (via CNN):

When photographer Annie Leibovitz took pictures of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus for Vanity Fair, her father “wasn’t there at the time.”

“(Miley’s) publicist was there, and everyone seemed in control,” [Billy Ray] said. “I didn’t know they (were) gonna strip her down and wrap her with a blanket.”

Well, that settles things for this blog. Billy Ray responded quickly and responsibly after the photos nearly ruined his daughter’s life (jury’s still out on that one) over two months ago.

Who knows what other breaking news looms on the horizon?

  • An explanation from Lindsay Lohan that all her underwear was lost at the cleaners last year?
  • What’s happened in Iraq for the past year?
  • What’s happened in Afghanistan for the past seven?

Apparently, only a lot of time and moderate outrage will tell.

Kidz Korner: Economics of supply, demand

The earlier you start posing online, the sooner you will be worth millions naked!Hey, kidz! After seeing Miley Cyrus’ risqué photo-shoot, you may be asking yourself, “How do I get in on that action?” First of all, shame on you for talking like a bookie: you were raised better than that. Second, you can’t expect to make millions of dollars on your first foray into child pornography fame and fortune, you silly-billy.

You see, the economy (that’s a grown-up word for “managing more money than your dad makes”) is based on supply and demand. This basically means that if there’s a lot of something that’s given away for cheap or free, then it is worth little money. But if there’s only a little of something and everybody wants/needs it, then it is worth a crapload of money. Continue reading Kidz Korner: Economics of supply, demand