Babylushwatch 2011

In more alcomahol related news …

In what can only be described as a bizarre and intentional unintentional trend in the chain restaurant industry, yet another child was accidentally served alcohol, this time at Chili’s. Apparently the restaurant is changing their slogan from “The celebration of food” to “The celebration of drunk kids.” There have been similar incidents recently at both The Olive Garden, in which a two-year-old was served sangria, and Applebee’s, in which a 15-month-old was served a margarita.

The 4-year-old child, Brooklynn Morris, was allegedly served a mudslide instead of a chocolate shake and had three to four sips before she announced that she didn’t like it. Her mother tasted the drink and immediately recognized the alcohol. Brooklynn was brought to the hospital and diagnosed with alcohol-ingestion overdose. Guess who can’t hold their liquor?

The mother, Tyree Davis, remarked:

“I don’t want it to ever happen again … to any child, because I know this just happened last week to someone, and I heard about it, and it’s crazy that it just happened to us yesterday.”

People, we’ve got one crazy epidemic on our hands: little kids and babies are now turning into needy drunks. Not only that, they consume our delicious alcohol, knowing the effects of such an act and then become whiny when they can’t pay the price. It’s time to take away their fake licenses (“I’m only twenny-fwee years old.”) and put these kids in the sobriety corner for a time-out.

The best things in life include countermeasures

It’s Friday, so we know what you little hornballs want: redheaded titis hamburgers. The greasier, the better, right?

But, what about cholesterol, frowny-face?

Never get between British scientists and their chips, because they have a solution. And by solution, they mean adding a side of statin drugs to every fast food value meal.

Statins lower the unhealthy amount of bad cholesterol–LDL–and could “offset the increased risk to the heart caused by the fat in a medium-sized cheeseburger and a small milkshake.”

We think this is a brilliant idea and would like to apply it to some other vices, like selling:

  • Breathmints with cigarettes.
  • Viagra with motorcycles.
  • Penicillin with your mom.