Thai government politely asks bloggers to refrain from criticism

Thailand — the pederasty capital of the world — has imprisoned an American citizen, Joe Gordon, for the crime of insulting the curry-farting Thai monarchy online. Gordon was sentenced to a reduced sentence of two and a half years for posting translations from a book about the family (who also enjoy the smell of those farts) while living in the U.S. over two years ago.

Although Gordon is the first American sent to prison by Thailand for insulting their presumably inbred royalty, at least two others have also been jailed this year. One was a 61-year-old grandmother, who will spend the next 20 years in prison for sending text messages that insulted the big-boned queen. Another person was sentenced to 13 years, where he can think long and hard about why the Thai monarchy is so thin-skinned and lily-livered.

I think the message here is pretty clear, you guys. The Thai royal family is off limits, especially

  • their four-eyed king.
  • a queen who picks her nose whenever she thinks nobody is looking.
  • and a crown prince who’s OK for a guy throws like a girl.

It’s not cool to make fun of them, OK? So, don’t do it.

WoA: Power struggle

It has been said that whomever controls the skies controls the war. In the War on Animals, that would certainly be true, because our highly advanced passenger planes, cars and flyswatters can kill anything from birds to insects without remorse. That adage, however, does not apply to guerrilla (or gorilla) warfare.

First off: some good news and some bad news. The polar bear has just been added to the U.S. endangered species list. This is good because it means we are winning the fight but it also means it has just become a whole lot harder to kill these white devils. Coca-Cola could not be reached for comment.

And finally, The Guys don’t often make endorsements, especially of foreign powers, but we are here to say we support the King of Nepal. King Gyanendra (I, we assume) is almost out of options for keeping the throne. So what does he do? He turns to the Hindu goddess Kali (you remember her from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom) and sacrifices animals to gain her favor. A buffalo, a goat, a lamb, a duck and a rooster were sacrificed in what should be an example for every world leader.