Republican Alabamians go full-Mormon for Romney

Knowing their state is a lock for Mitt Romney in the 2012 presidential election, members of the Alabama Republican Party have gone full-Mormon. Their new initiative, Alabama’s Battleground Patriots, will send volunteers door-to-door in swing states, including Florida, North Carolina, Ohio and — oh, good lord — Virginia to spread the good word about voting for Romney.

So, it looks like certain Guys who thought they left this malarkey behind when they moved from Alabama to Virginia will be keeping their lights off and remaining as quiet as possible.

That’s a lot of next-of-kin

Imprisoned Fundamentalist Later Day Saints leader Warren Jeffs has been hospitalized for undisclosed reasons. Since we are a respected media establishment, we can only assume that his affliction is deadly and somewhat humiliating. (Flesh-eating anal warts?)

The real issue is who determines his fate should he enter a vegetative state. The current theory is that all of his wives will each vote, with Jesus himself casting a tiebreaker vote if necessary.